My school project now is about taking life slowly. Do you ever feel that time passes so quickly? I mean, I'm suddenly 21 now. Getting my degree next year, dad's starting to get worried about partner issues.. But it's like my life stopped at 19. Where did the years go?
I think the Singapore lifestyle is very fast paced. I mean, it's already midnight now! Again! When I felt like I just started my day.
It's ironic that I'm doing a project about taking life slowly when I think I'm in the more fast paced category.
And I feel hungry a lot lately. Especially after eating. But if I hold it for like 2 hours, I'd suddenly feel full. And the cravings go away. Weird.
I have nothing in my head now. Just full and sleepy.
Oh! Last Sunday I served as a singer at the Teens ministry. And during practice on Saturday, suddenly Ko Ceka (the worship leader that day) asked me to lead one song out of five. Leading means... Lead.
Conversation, translated.
Ko CK: "Kim. How about you lead 'Our God'?"
Me: "Noo! I don't think it's a good idea!"
Ce Harti: "Kim, that is not a question."
Me: "..." (Then why put it in a question format? Hrrrr)
But I think if I really refused, he woudn't have force me. But in the end I accepted it.
I WAS SO NERVOUS. This is my first time doing this! Leading in front of a crowd. A TEENAGE crowd. I think leading in TLG will be less nerve-wrecking since the crowd is more familiar. But in Teens! I only served there 3 times. NERVOUS. Even during practice I was nervous already! Apologized to the team beforehand, incase it will be messy.
Worship Leading Basic Crash Course.
- You determine the flow, whether you want it to be loud or soft.
- You determine which part of the song to sing. The verse, the chorus, the bridge.. Even now, I always mistaken the 'chorus' as 'verse.' Argh.
- You determine whether it's time to sing or free worship.
- And for each of those, you need to give hand signals to the musician team. This is where I usually suck at.
But it's not like everything is up to you. You need to move in the flow of the Spirit. I can't really describe this technically. It's basically going where the Holy Spirit takes you to go. It's not a concert. It's a worship session, and only One Person takes center stage.
But the pressure is there. What if I do stuff wrong? Such self consciousness.
The next day, I arrived at 8.30. Jaime jie jie sent me to church. Timing was just nice, she was also going to church. Thanks, Jie! I arrived together with Ce Kenny. She took a cab.
I was very nervous, but not nervous at the same time. I don't know. I think the best way to describe it was I am not really nervous, but I think I should be nervous, so I made myself nervous. I think deep down I know God is with me.
One thing I kept in my mind was what Ko Willy said during the Singer Clinic or whatever you call that. It was where he trained us to lead Worship in FA. It was also where I first lead worship in anywhere. In a small group of 6. I was so nervous back then too.
He said, that the pressure is never on you. The pressure is on God. You are not the center point, God is. You can not 'make' God's presence fall. Your job is only to direct them to see God. He does everything.
And it's true. My favorite worship leaders are the ones who, during worship, I enjoyed God the most. He/she helps set my focus on God! Yes, there are the technical stuff, but I think the most important thing is not to be self conscious. Be God conscious.
So yeah. First 4 songs I was there as a singer with Ce Erna. Then comes the time for offering. And then, it's my turn.
A little "In the Name of Jesus!" moment, and walked on stage.
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