I never post here anymore since i knew tumblr existed. Now I only use this acc to follow other people's blogs, like xiaxue and ce gill.
In class. better do work!!
a human being.
I can’t, Lord! But You can! And I need Your help!
And I know my Dad doesn’t forsake me. I’ll stay strong in You until all this is eventually over.
.
an old song:
Allah itu baik, sungguh baik bagiku. DitunjukkanNya kasih setiaNya!
Dia menyediakan yang kuperlukan, menyatakan kebaikanNya padaku!
Kasih setiaNya tak pernah berubah, dulu skalrang dan slamanya!
Ajaiblah kuasa dalam namaNya, Yesusku luar biasa!!
.
Sometimes I want certain parts of my feelings to be muted. But it’s not now so what do I do?
Cutting down all other options and I guess I’ll run to my Lord.
waiting..
..for the time it’ll all be back to normal again.
k i’ll grab my guitar i think hahaha
and tomorrow’s easter!!
i cannot, extended.
a quote that sticks in my head this past few weeks.
I can’t, but You can.
‘You’ as in Jesus there.
I read it in a daily devotional by Joseph Prince.
Forgot the verse he used -.-
OK it’s Ephesians 6:10 (after checking my bb broadcast)
“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.”
In the Indonesian translation it’s “kekuatan kuasaNya”
His might, not ours. His power, not ours.
Then he added this testimony. I forgot how the exact conversation went but it’s something like this. Pastor Joseph Prince (JP) was talking to one of his church members (M) who wanted to quit smoking.
M: I pray to God that He will help me quit smoking.
JP: No, let Him do it.
M: I know He will help me. I’ll try my best.
JP: No, let Him do it.
.
What JP meant was, give God full control, we let go. So the church member, he eventually didn’t try to quit at all. But every time he lights his cigarette, he says “I cannot, but You can”, and go smoke (like so contradicting.) He keeps doing that, and one day, he woke up without any desire to smoke at all. Just like that, and he never smoked since.
Didn’t try at all, no energy wasted, and God shows His power.
When I read that day’s devotional, sure it was nice and encouraging, but not alive, yet. Until this past few days. Or weeks.
That quote.. It came so alive I’m so thankful I read that devotional that very day. His plans are beautiful, everything right on time. It’s unspeakable how that quote speaks to what I’m going through now.
I am experiencing feelings I hope I can banish, thinking thoughts I don’t want to think of, characters being molded and processed. It’s not easy.
How can you control your feelings? I don’t think you can. At least I can’t. The more you force it away, the more real it becomes. All this common feelings people has:
- sadness
- anger
- jealousy
- crush (yep, liking people you don’t want to like for whatever reasons, eg. he likes someone else, he’s a jerk, etc. you can’t just make it go away that easily, can you?)
- insecurities
- hurt
- low self esteem
- ..you name it.
Sure you can try to talk yourself out of it (calm down, calm down.. you’re good, you still have friends and families who loves you.. etcetc). I tried. Worked terribly and super energy draining. Deep down I (we?) know, whatever excuse I use to cheer myself up, none of them is like 10000% certain or forever lasting. Even friends and families!
Something even more impossible for me to control: Character and habits that has been sculpt for years. It’s in me, hard and solid, yet a lot of them wrong and unpleasing both to human and God. Old habits, old addiction, bleah.
Straightforward: I CAN’T HANDLE IT. And it’s tiring and frustrating and there are times it made me cry. I get all emo when all these overwhelms me.
But one truth I learnt is, I’m not created to be able to, or strong enough, or perfect enough to handle all this. I am not, I’m made of dust, what do you expect?
.
For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. - Romans 7:18
Precisely. I want to do what is good before men and God. I can’t. Once I find this out, it all the pressure off.
.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Philippians 4:13
There. It’s Christ, not me. Letting God take over is such a relief. Cos He is almighty! All my fleshy human weakness doesn’t stand a chance before Him. *I love typing the sentence before. It’s like a declaration of victory :)*
All those things I can’t control I mentioned above, He’s got it all under control. And since I’m in Him, I have no worries. Might take time (like the smoker above), but I’m willing to be patient and go through this (also with Him helping me going through this since it’s NOT easy being molded) and wait for Him to work in His time.
One thing I strive for: 100% of Him, none of me. (“He must become greater; I must become less.” - John 3:30) I think all my life will be a learning process towards this goal. I’m still something in progress now, and God’s not done yet! >:D I plan to enjoy my growth in Him all the way :)
Long blabber, i know. So! Have a great day and God bless!!
day 13 - discuss your first kiss
hmm.. my very2 first ever lip kiss was with my mom so… anydetails wanted just ask me lol
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