Warning. Melancholic.

I was cooking my Indomie when I suddenly remembered the first Hari Raya holiday after my mom passed away.

I just turned 7, and for a few months I had no mother, which means my dad must take care of me by himself.

During the Hari Raya period, all the servants would go back home to their hometowns, which only leaves the house with three of us, the other one person being my nanny who was kind enough not to leave us. I remembered my dad buying a bunch of various types of instant noodles for us to eat, because there noone was cooking.

I remember waking up at the middle of the night hungry, and dad wasn't around, and nanny would cook a plate of Indomie for me. I remember us having lunch, both slurping our instant noodles, and the memory of my huge daddy eating instant noodle was a little.. Well it makes me feel a little blue.

Come to think of it, why didn't we just eat out? Two answers came to mind.

Either he was very busy with work and other stuff relating to my mom's death, or we were financially struggling.

Either way, he took a really good care of me. His ways might not be the best, but I turned out pretty well I guess. Not smoking, no drugs, not alcoholic, no babies, graduated school..

Looking at our family now, with my stepmom and my two little siblings.. A lot of stuff has changed. I'm grateful that Indomie is now a "luxury", not a necessity.

:)

Rare shot.

Presenting to you..

A rare shot..

Where my legs look (kinda) long and lean and pretty.

*a moment of joy.

And happy wedding Kope!! Have a wonderful married life!!!

A brutally honest post. 

Again, that time of the month.

I think it's coming soon, the symptoms are here.

Dear males, when your woman is having PMS, please bear with her. Do not attempt to defy nature.

Currently simple things would tick me off. 

The haze.. Wrong use of grammar.. Whatsapp replies.. People trying to act cool (can just be yourself or not. Your effort is failing. Sorry.) I'd curse and swear in my head over insignificant things. Good thing Jesus died and rose again.

Things that don't usually bug me now does, resulting in what Indonesians call GALAU. My mind would wander off, thinking about stuff that I have long forgotten. Analyzing. Thinking. Imagining.

An increased desire of shopping, yet accompanied by an increased level of laziness. I just feel flat.

Moodswings. One moment -.-, the next :D. 

ARGH ANNOYING. Oh look, pillow.

Let Me Love You.

I really like this song. So much!
First heard it in class during the final week of FYP, but really fell in love with it during ladies night.


The lyric goes:

Let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself

Let me love you
And all your troubles
Don't be afraid, girl let me help

Let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself

Let me love you
A heart of numbness gets brought to life
I'll take you there


I think it is beautiful! It reminds me of God a lot. He loved me to the point that I finally learnt to see myself as how He sees me, to realize that I am precious and loved.

Not that I hated myself before Jesus, I just have a pretty bad self image of myself. Insecurity was a major part.

And He made me so secure. Secure that I'll get to heaven, first of all. Secure that there's nothing wrong with being myself. Secure that I am loved (at least by Him). Secure of my future, cos His plans are plans for good. Secure of my health, cos He paid the price for it. Secure of provision, cos He provides. List goes on

And I've been going on in life with that empty feeling for years. There is a hole in my life nothing but Jesus can fill, and I've been looking all over the place without finding fulfillment, until I let Him in and life has changed since. Life gets so ALIVE! He gave me a purpose to live. Life isn't about graduating school-getting a job-getting a husband-having kids-die anymore. How empty would that kind of life be!

And to any human being that can love someone until they finally learn to love themselves, salute. If you exist.

Good afternoon!

A tiny birthday detail

Was suddenly reminded of this. Somehow forgotten to include this on my birthday post.

I was in the train on my birthday, about to go to school, thinking of how the day would turn out. A lot of work still left to be done, but at the same time I wanted to enjoy the day. I felt like a bulldog's face.

Then Ko Dachan messaged me on fb, wishing me happy birthday. I thanked him and stuff and blurted out to him how it's my birthday yet I need to rush school stuff and it's hectic and pretty sad.

He said "it's gonna be ur last bday with peer." 

It's simple and wise, really. It made me see the whole situation from another point of view. Instead of dreading the fact that I might not enjoy it as much, I suddenly saw it as a unique moment that would never happen again anymore! Never in a situation where 40% of my work isn't done and submission is within 4 days. Never again with that lack of sleep. Never again with that heartache. Never again with the rush. Never again in school studying BA. Never again! (and a big AMEN TO THAT. I don't want any of those anymore)

And suddenly the day seemed better. I kinda saw the bigger picture of things.

So I guess things that happen in life depends on how you look at it.

Look at the bigger picture; words of wisdom from me. And the biggest picture you can look at? Eternity. Now is just a part of eternity. It will soon pass and shall not be pondered upon, says the bible. Don't cuddle too long with it. Life goes on bringing fresh stuff from God! 

That's it for today and now I shall read my book and hope it seduces me to bed.

Night!