To Lead.

If there is one thing I learned out of leadership, especially in church, it would be this:

It's not so much of leading, it's more of serving.

It's not about status and giving orders and demanding listeners and being cool.
I've learned that it's more about enhancing the kids, adding more to what they already are.

I'm gonna share my personal story, so bear with it if  it sounds self centered. Or you can just walk away here.

It's been two years since Sekia started. What I do in Sekia is supposed to be helping Ghon, our FA leader.

In the first place, I've never find it easy to really connect with people, and I stopped trying a long time ago. If you live together with me, you'd know. It's true, a few people made the cut, but that's it.

So when Ce Joan told me to approach the kids more, that was stretching it. It really was out of my comfort zone.

I.
Just.
Don't.
Do.
Talking.
To.
New.
People.

It's awkward.

And I know for sure I was lacking in that area. And for me, there's no point faking and forcing it. It will be just that. Fake and forced.

So I told Ce Joan, that yes I genuinely do want to know what's going on in their life, to change and show them that I care, but I also genuinely don't know how. I was so afraid that they would reject the offer I'm putting, or that they would think it's fake and awkward. Cos I myself have those thoughts towards other people.

So, I've been praying to God, for Him to do the changing, or at least giving me the desire to talk to the kids, so when I do it, at least I'm being real.

And the phrase (technically not a verse cos it wasn't the whole verse) that I kept holding on to was from 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

So I kinda made peace with this stiffness of mine. It's the perfect platform for God to shine.

Over these two years, my perspective did take a shift from being heard to hearing. From being talked to to start talking. And what I realized from Ce Joan is that she is constantly ready to serve and feed, and it took me three (counting the days in FA ANDA) years for it to sink in. Long way to go.

Am I walking my talk? Well I'm faulty everywhere. But again, any change (I'm pretty sure there are changes. God doesn't leave my prayers hanging, and it's hard to stay where you are when you walk with Jesus), especially in my way of thinking, happened effortlessly so it wasn't my effort in the first place. All I did was ask God.

Honestly, I know there are tons of kids in SEKIA who are way better in this: gifted in socializing and a magnetic personality, with a heart that genuinely cares. Ask me, I can mention names. I'm floored.

I'm so blessed with awesome leaders. Ce Joan, Ghon (her wisdom and revelations are crazy), Ce Linda, and Sally, to mention a few..

And what made them so impactful as my leaders?

They served (me) well :)

(and the rest of their sheeps, I'm sure)

"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial."

Ce Joan told me over and over again, choose the people you put closest to you. Pick your friends. You don't have to be everyone's friend. You can't.

So I looked around the people that surround me, and I am happy with what I've got.

Some very few friends who has known me through and through and decided to stay.

Also some very few who has known me through and through and had no choice but to stay (read: mom, dad, Bryan, and Aiko. And the rest of the family.)

A few more who just discovered some uglier side of me, and perhaps contemplating whether I'm worth spending their time and energy on or not.

A number who has just got to know me, seeing the displayed better side.

And those who just chose to not stay.

I'm happy with those who stayed. Also thankful for those who didn't.

The people God surrounded me with is more than good!