Soo we just had the awesomest prayer meeting at macpherson. I literally feel recharged. I asked God to take my anxiety of school and apprenticeship away and He actually did! :) Bottomline, I’m feeling good :) Have homework and a pic to finish but here I am, pouring my thoughts out. Lots of things happened during the prayer meeting. But I want to write about one in particular. Me and Ghon prayed together just now. I remembered how unclose we were when we first met. 2 person with 2 personalities that can’t seem to fit. Two rocky years later, she moved here to Singapore. And I don’t know how, wasn’t expecting it, but things slowly changed. This is God interfering, it’s obvious to me. I’m not overreacting, you need to be one of us to understand what it was like. Really. And suddenly a thought came into my mind. Just only. How cool would it be if I can pray like that one day with my future boyfriend. The boyfriend version of the Kim-Ghon 28 September 11 prayer. Thanking God that He put him in my life. Thanking God He let us experience what we experienced, the good and the bad. Thanking God how He was with us throughout the relationship. Thanking God how He made us grow together. Surrendering the relationship to God. Surrendering each other to God. etc etc… Wouldn’t it be cool?? :D:D:D I think some of you might think this is extreme.. It’s understandable and it’s okay :) So, I think my future soulmate (ciyehh) would be someone who does not think this is extreme, and maybe even wanting the same thing too!! :D Well ok need to do hw.. byee!! and HAPPY 20th BDAY TO TITI!! and HAPPY B DAY KO PHILIP too!!! :D
wouldn't it be cool..
juggling.
I dont think I’ve ever been this busy in my life.
- Musical is happening in a week, and we’re practicing like mad. One practice would take like, 4 hours at least. Times 4 times a week, equals to at LEAST 16 hours.
- Which takes at least 16 hours / week away from my time of doing homework for my exercise 2 submission, which is happening next week. I’ve done bits and pieces. I basically have something to submit (except for Terrence’s). But I know there are (a lot of) rooms for improvement, which I don’t think I have the time to do.
- The apprenticeship program with :phunk. Which requires me to submit an artwork by next friday, where the musical rehearsals are happening. Havent finished the artwork too. But I have confirmed my artist so a MASSIVE thank God for that! :D
If I were in my state 2 weeks ago, I might just go mad.
Joining the apprenticeship with :phunk has opened my eyes. There’s more out there besides school and scores. Not that it’s not important, it’s just not everything. So people (including me), don’t stress your life over school. The artist I’ve confirmed with for the apprenticeship is amazing. She made me like my art back. I really like her :)
I learnt this life actually has no steady guarantee. When I was waiting for my artist to reply, there’s no guarantee he/she will agree. There’s even no guarantee they will reply. This is so different from school where you submit works and get marks. Everything is set and scheduled. Or working 9-5, and getting your payment every end of month. This is not like that. Really, you can plan, but there’s no guarantee it will work.
The me two weeks ago couldn’t deal with this. This was new and I honestly was taken by surprise, and I was scared, which leads me to the closest state of being stressful in my life I’ve ever been. I am still adjusting. The only thing I could and can hold onto was God’s promises. It is the steadiest guarantee of all I can get. It’s just not easy sometimes, when you don’t see it come to pass yet.
It was as if it has come the time for all God’s promises that I know, for them to show they are real and powerful, not just some words from the bible, but the promises of a living God. It was as if I was tested, do I really trust all this promises? Do I even remember them? My, this is not easy. I obviously need the Holy Spirit. If I’m handling this with my own might and strength.. *I dont even want to finish the sentence. I dont even want to imagine.
And why am I even blogging now? I still have work to do. I have no explanation.
When you see me survive this next week, you are seeing the product of God’s grace.
By this time next week, EVERYTHING will be over. All three points I stated above, almost at the same time. However, I will miss all this time sucking musical practices.. I know I will.. Next week, come.. Next week, don’t come..
Well, TLG MUSICAL FOR GOD!! :D come watch!
God is good and God bless! :)
FA
Today’s FA was amazing!
Mikey bought his cajon, and Ria came out of her shell, agreeing to keyboard along the worship time. It was amazing!! Was so cool :) I’m not saying it was amazing because of all the instruments, but I felt God’s presence was so sweet just now :D Thank God for all the instruments, but most of all, Thank God for His presence :)
The message Ghon shared was powerful too. If I have more time I’ll probably share. It wasn’t what we are supposed to share according to ko Hendra’s email, but I’m glad our FA is flexible enough to use or not to use what was sent. I believe we all shared according to what the Holy Spirit put in our hearts. And following God’s flow never results bad :)
Was fun, we laughed, shared, welcomed first timers, I enjoyed it :) God has put these amazing special individuals in this FA (and in yours too), I pray that we all can see and love them as how God sees and loves them. How He uses the most unexpected ways to lift me up during my ‘darkest’ hours using people from this family, and ultimately my mom, it’s just amazing! Beyond words to express.
I’m just bloatfully grateful Daddy put me here :)
what to post?
I have no idea too! salute to all those who can post regularly.
From this point on, I declare that this post will be full of randomness. I wont be talking about anything in particular. Here goes.
A simple update of my life if anyone is interested:
- Musical is happening in like what? 8 days? people reading, do buy the tics. You wont regret it man. Let me know!
- Having term break now.
- Am busy.
I miss my mom a lot, since my breakdown day. I realize mothers are different from friends. Thank God for friends. Thank God for moms.
And thank God for genders. Having a male good friend has its own advantages. Thank God for male and female best friends.
There was a point in my life where I thought being emo was cool. Well, not anymore. Sure you can have your emo moments, it’s human. But all the time without trying to get out of it? I used to enjoy staying in that dark state of mind. Now I realize during those days I was still so immature. The life God prepared is way better. I want to enjoy it to the max.
Sincerity is important.
Don’t compare yourselves to others. Easier said than done, but still, don’t. Implies to me too.
:D
:O
:X
I once read a tweet of a dear friend saying something about boys are basically the same. I am seeing that right now. But really I pray it’s not true.
I will never tell.
I can’t be all ears all the time. Only God can.
Women are hard to understand sometimes. Even for me.
There are times when your ego raises and you just want to defend yourself, yet you stop for a moment, look at the big picture, and try to understand the other party. I appreciate those moments. I appreciate people who actually does that.
Yadda yadda.
Well, good night people :) God bless!
things i've learnt lately
- Crying helps. It’s just that sometimes you need a trigger. For me, it was my mom’s voice through the phone. It relieves stress. God didn’t create tears for nothing.
- Art is supposed to be enjoyed. Growing up, you kind of lost it. Don’t lose it. Go back to basic, enjoy it. “Work on something you are interested in” -Ai Wei Wei (shows Terrence I did my homework.)
- Stay connected to God. Important.
- Do not worry.
I miss my mom bad. Lately I’ve often feel wanting to go back as a kid (but with knowing Christ). I’ve been feeling megabusy lately, doing everything nonstop. Lots of things happening, lots of pressure, and I can’t get it out, it was so tiring. All peaked on Sunday night. It was like, I’ve had enough, yet I don’t know what to do to actually have enough. It’s all still there, it’s not going away, I can’t do anything about it. Felt so frustrated. I’ve never felt this down since like, 2008 (breakup). It was pretty bad. Wanted to cry my heart out but only a few drops came out. Fell asleep of exhaustion.
Monday morning, woke up, and the thought of going to class was like.. Unacceptable. Facing the day was unacceptable. Felt like escaping life. BBMed my mom, she sensed something was wrong, called me. The first tone of her voice, man… My eyes started tearing. The more she talked, the more I cried to the point where I can’t catch my breath. Grabbed a random tee to wipe it off, the towel was too far away.
She knew I was stressed out. She knows just what to say. Asked me to take a break, and allowed me to skip class (hence me skipping class on Monday). In my whole entire life, never skipped class because of emotional matter. She reminded me about Jesus. She reminded me how I used to love art, and not stressing over it. NAFA somehow sucked it out of me in a way. After crying my heart out, I felt a world lot better.
The quiet time following was very uplifting. Skipped class, came to God. Cried some more, thanking Him of the people He’s put in my life.. My mom, and 3 specific friends who really2 had a huge impact during this stressful period. Read His Word, let Him speak to me.. Monday was RAD!! All the stress went away, a peaceful happy day :)
Recharged, back to the world now. I prrrrrayyyy I don’t have to ever ever experience that feeling again. It was terrible, noone should ever feel that way. Stay close to God, surround yourself with good friends. Nite!
