Happy new year people!
2012 has been a pretty rough year, to be honest.
But it was a journey with The Lord on its own.
I'm writing this with mixed feelings. There's excitement, disappointment, expectancy.. But one thing for sure, I am bloated with gratefulness. No matter the circumstances, God is good.
The verse I got in the beginning of this year from Daddy God:
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. (Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG)
I'm holding on to this.
I don't know it all. Therefore I just put my trust on the One who does.
So happy 2013 people!!
Mohon maaf lahir batin atas segala kesalahan di 2012!!
God bless you dripping in abundance!!!
Just when I thought of relaxing today and tomorrow.
A school friend messaged me mentioning the word DISSERTATION. It robbed all peace of my heart. Sob sob.
My scores this year pretty much went down the drain. I have lost all passion whatsoever towards design and school.
How did something I used to love so much become so stressful?
Oh Lord, I just don't know. I know once my hand meets that pencil and paper, the love of drawing will always be there. It's just the competition and just the world out there. It's intimidating.
That's why The Lord just wants my eyes fixed on Him. Not to live by what I see or feel, but just seeing Him and holding the promises and truth of His Word.
EXHALE.
A school friend messaged me mentioning the word DISSERTATION. It robbed all peace of my heart. Sob sob.
My scores this year pretty much went down the drain. I have lost all passion whatsoever towards design and school.
How did something I used to love so much become so stressful?
Oh Lord, I just don't know. I know once my hand meets that pencil and paper, the love of drawing will always be there. It's just the competition and just the world out there. It's intimidating.
That's why The Lord just wants my eyes fixed on Him. Not to live by what I see or feel, but just seeing Him and holding the promises and truth of His Word.
EXHALE.
Les Miserables pictures love happening at first sight. Their eyes met, and in that instant, the both of them fell in love with each other.
I've thrown away the idea of love at first sight ever happening in my life a long time ago.
But watching movies like this revives the dream again. Cosette was blessed the guy was a good man. What are the chances of that happening in the 21st century?
Anyway. It's a good movie. Go watch it!
Night!
I've thrown away the idea of love at first sight ever happening in my life a long time ago.
But watching movies like this revives the dream again. Cosette was blessed the guy was a good man. What are the chances of that happening in the 21st century?
Anyway. It's a good movie. Go watch it!
Night!
I just had 2 very significant dreams involving 2 friends.
All because of something someone else said.
I shall not tell you who they are, because all dreams involve someone my readers are bound to know.
During our Christmas dinner, Fena mentioned a person. She also mentioned a scene involving that person and me. I didn't give it any thought AT ALL. I didn't think she was even serious, it was meant to be a joke.
And hello, the person plus the situation appeared in my dream that night. And the beauty of the scene was amplified hundreds of times. It was a visually beautiful dream. I woke up feeling so weird that this person would even appear in my dream. We weren't even that close as friends in real life.
The person in my second dream was mentioned by Ko Shandy. It was weird because I don't know this person in real life, as well as in the dream. About this person, I did think of him/her quite a bit throughout the day, but I never thought I would spend hours of my sleep with this person in it. Weird weird.
Anyway. DISSERTATION!! FINISH YOURSELF! ARGH.
A little change of mind.
I grow up with a very traditional Indonesian family mindset.
That it is a guy's job to pursue the girl. That classy girls are supposed to be hard to get. It was planted in my head so deep by my family and former church, that dates are... I don't know how to put this.. But it was such a massive deal to go on a date with someone not yet your boyfriend. Kind of forbidden.
So watching a guy pursue more than one girl at the same time was absolutely unacceptable for me. A player. With no concern and respect towards a woman's heart. D e s p i c a b l e.
And apparently it has happened to me a few times where I feel a guy is interested in me, and we got close, only for me to find out that I wasn't the only one. I immediately backed out from each of them, and stayed away completely from the douchebag.
Sad thing is most of the time, I've already developed feelings for the guy. So it was not easy. It hurts.
Once, Ce Joan said, "if you think you are more suitable for a guy, that you can make him happier than the other woman ever can, you should fight for him too!"
At that point, I can't absorb the idea. I'm not that... forward.
Then, last July I came back to Indonesia for my school holiday. There I met one of my close guy friend. We've been friends since I was 15.
He used to be a shy guy. A sincere guy who always gives all when pursuing a girl. And he was smart. So after a few relationships that didn't work out, he analyzed them all and he had this complete change of mindset. He started to go on dates with different girls, built up his confidence, putting himself out there. Some might call this type of guy a player. The type of guy I used to despise.
But because we were so close, I tried to understand what was going through his mind doing all this. He told me, that for him, he was just giving everyone a try. By going on dates, you can see if you actually click. So you're saving your time and energy, rather than trying to approach a girl slowly only to find out you aren't suited for each other in the end. Once you find a someone you really like, THEN you stay faithful to that one person. And true enough, once He found someone he thought was worth it, he fought for her so hard he could break a rock. Okay that was lame.
But because I know him well, I know he is not a player, neither a guy with bad intentions towards girls. So I gave his mindset a thought. And it starts to make sense, the idea of going on dates to get to know each other.
What really affected me was going to the UK. A different environment where people are more open minded. There, the idea of going on dates really made sense. If it works, it works. If it doesn't work, both of you benefit from it. At least you are sure it won't work.
Now, I still think the chase is a guy's job. Will I ever fight for a guy? I don't know. Noone has ever made me feel he's worth fighting yet. It's just that now I can accept the fact that some guys do chase more than one girl at the same time. I do still prefer guys who approach one girl at a time, but now I can understand those who don't.
Anyway. Shall start working on my dissertation again. My family being here and Christmas, I haven't touched it for over a week. Hur.
Bye!
That it is a guy's job to pursue the girl. That classy girls are supposed to be hard to get. It was planted in my head so deep by my family and former church, that dates are... I don't know how to put this.. But it was such a massive deal to go on a date with someone not yet your boyfriend. Kind of forbidden.
So watching a guy pursue more than one girl at the same time was absolutely unacceptable for me. A player. With no concern and respect towards a woman's heart. D e s p i c a b l e.
And apparently it has happened to me a few times where I feel a guy is interested in me, and we got close, only for me to find out that I wasn't the only one. I immediately backed out from each of them, and stayed away completely from the douchebag.
Sad thing is most of the time, I've already developed feelings for the guy. So it was not easy. It hurts.
Once, Ce Joan said, "if you think you are more suitable for a guy, that you can make him happier than the other woman ever can, you should fight for him too!"
At that point, I can't absorb the idea. I'm not that... forward.
Then, last July I came back to Indonesia for my school holiday. There I met one of my close guy friend. We've been friends since I was 15.
He used to be a shy guy. A sincere guy who always gives all when pursuing a girl. And he was smart. So after a few relationships that didn't work out, he analyzed them all and he had this complete change of mindset. He started to go on dates with different girls, built up his confidence, putting himself out there. Some might call this type of guy a player. The type of guy I used to despise.
But because we were so close, I tried to understand what was going through his mind doing all this. He told me, that for him, he was just giving everyone a try. By going on dates, you can see if you actually click. So you're saving your time and energy, rather than trying to approach a girl slowly only to find out you aren't suited for each other in the end. Once you find a someone you really like, THEN you stay faithful to that one person. And true enough, once He found someone he thought was worth it, he fought for her so hard he could break a rock. Okay that was lame.
But because I know him well, I know he is not a player, neither a guy with bad intentions towards girls. So I gave his mindset a thought. And it starts to make sense, the idea of going on dates to get to know each other.
What really affected me was going to the UK. A different environment where people are more open minded. There, the idea of going on dates really made sense. If it works, it works. If it doesn't work, both of you benefit from it. At least you are sure it won't work.
Now, I still think the chase is a guy's job. Will I ever fight for a guy? I don't know. Noone has ever made me feel he's worth fighting yet. It's just that now I can accept the fact that some guys do chase more than one girl at the same time. I do still prefer guys who approach one girl at a time, but now I can understand those who don't.
Anyway. Shall start working on my dissertation again. My family being here and Christmas, I haven't touched it for over a week. Hur.
Bye!
Merry Christmas, world!!
I'm feeling so loved now, I'm all smiles writing this :)
God SO loved me and you, He simply left heaven just to be one of us, to be with us, and in the end die for us, so He can spend the rest of time with us :)
Oh, love You, Daddy!!
And Merry Christmas to you!!
I'm just delighted Bryan and Aiko is here for Christmas :)
Have a good night everyone! May u feel so loved too!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
I'm feeling so loved now, I'm all smiles writing this :)
God SO loved me and you, He simply left heaven just to be one of us, to be with us, and in the end die for us, so He can spend the rest of time with us :)
Oh, love You, Daddy!!
And Merry Christmas to you!!
I'm just delighted Bryan and Aiko is here for Christmas :)
Have a good night everyone! May u feel so loved too!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
The eve!
Today is December 24th!!!!!
Tonight will be Christmas Eve!!!
During my childhood, Christmas was a huge celebration in the international school I attended. We celebrated Christmas western style, and it was just extravagant. Cheerful, gleeful, it just gives you that happy feeling in your tummy. I didn't know what Christmas was or what to expect out of it. It was just meant to be fun and happy and vibrant, and I felt it.
However, I did leave that International school and went to normal Indonesian schools, where Christmas celebrations was just numb and bland. Boring.
Yet, the impression I had of Christmas as a kid stuck on.
They say the first few years you experience when you start living will shape most of your character for the rest of your life. I agree.
Growing up, the reality of Christmas sadly starts to disappoint. Each year, you expect the day to come for so long, yet when it's time, it just comes and goes. You spend the day going to church, spending it with your friends or families, have a nice dinner, anything, but in the end of December 25th, it was always like, "just like that? It's over?" and you go back to normalcy until new year comes and goes again as well.
You (or I, to be fair) expect for the BOOM, yet the BOOM never happens.
Maybe I watch too much movies, where romantic climax happens on Christmas Eve. Where there were BOOMs everywhere. And year after year, throughout my teenage days, I've always been picturing romantic scenes happening to me during Christmas Eves. Being 21 now, I guess I'm old enough to conclude that BOOMs only happens in movies. Even when I had my one and only relationship so far back then, the long awaited BOOM didn't happen.
But. I'm a hopeless romantic. Especially on Christmas. I don't understand how the birthday of Jesus makes me feel romantic, but it does.
Yes, until now, I kept believing for something to happen, something huge enough to stir my feelings up.
My logic has come to terms that BOOMs will not happen, but my faith begs to differ. I believe Daddy Jesus CAN outdo my expectancy. I don't know how He will do it, but I know He can.
I know He can create better romantic scenes than the ones in movies.
If movies can tickle my feelings so much, more so Jesus! He Himself created romance, therefore He is the MOST ROMANTIC! Oh God, He knows what I want in my heart. He knows I have high hopes for Christmas.
I don't have a guy in my life yet. Therefore, this Christmas I spend only with my eternal lover, Jesus.
I haven't had any significant BOOMs yet, but I keep asking God that for Christmas, He will just sweep me off my feet and make me the happiest me I can be! So happy I could explode. That kind of happy. Better than the movies!
Until one day He lets me recognize that one son of His who He's graced with the capability sweep me off my feet as well. A guy I'm sure I'll be happiest with, a guy who this free spirit (ciyeh) can submit to, a guy who makes me a better woman.. (All inspired from Ce Joan..)
Then, the three of us will spend all the Christmasses (plural form of Christmas?) to come together!! We'll have fun and be happy and celebrate Jesus's birthday together, and experience all the BOOMs God directed!!!!!
So, happy 24th December!
Tonight will be Christmas Eve!!!
During my childhood, Christmas was a huge celebration in the international school I attended. We celebrated Christmas western style, and it was just extravagant. Cheerful, gleeful, it just gives you that happy feeling in your tummy. I didn't know what Christmas was or what to expect out of it. It was just meant to be fun and happy and vibrant, and I felt it.
However, I did leave that International school and went to normal Indonesian schools, where Christmas celebrations was just numb and bland. Boring.
Yet, the impression I had of Christmas as a kid stuck on.
They say the first few years you experience when you start living will shape most of your character for the rest of your life. I agree.
Growing up, the reality of Christmas sadly starts to disappoint. Each year, you expect the day to come for so long, yet when it's time, it just comes and goes. You spend the day going to church, spending it with your friends or families, have a nice dinner, anything, but in the end of December 25th, it was always like, "just like that? It's over?" and you go back to normalcy until new year comes and goes again as well.
You (or I, to be fair) expect for the BOOM, yet the BOOM never happens.
Maybe I watch too much movies, where romantic climax happens on Christmas Eve. Where there were BOOMs everywhere. And year after year, throughout my teenage days, I've always been picturing romantic scenes happening to me during Christmas Eves. Being 21 now, I guess I'm old enough to conclude that BOOMs only happens in movies. Even when I had my one and only relationship so far back then, the long awaited BOOM didn't happen.
But. I'm a hopeless romantic. Especially on Christmas. I don't understand how the birthday of Jesus makes me feel romantic, but it does.
Yes, until now, I kept believing for something to happen, something huge enough to stir my feelings up.
My logic has come to terms that BOOMs will not happen, but my faith begs to differ. I believe Daddy Jesus CAN outdo my expectancy. I don't know how He will do it, but I know He can.
I know He can create better romantic scenes than the ones in movies.
If movies can tickle my feelings so much, more so Jesus! He Himself created romance, therefore He is the MOST ROMANTIC! Oh God, He knows what I want in my heart. He knows I have high hopes for Christmas.
I don't have a guy in my life yet. Therefore, this Christmas I spend only with my eternal lover, Jesus.
I haven't had any significant BOOMs yet, but I keep asking God that for Christmas, He will just sweep me off my feet and make me the happiest me I can be! So happy I could explode. That kind of happy. Better than the movies!
Until one day He lets me recognize that one son of His who He's graced with the capability sweep me off my feet as well. A guy I'm sure I'll be happiest with, a guy who this free spirit (ciyeh) can submit to, a guy who makes me a better woman.. (All inspired from Ce Joan..)
Then, the three of us will spend all the Christmasses (plural form of Christmas?) to come together!! We'll have fun and be happy and celebrate Jesus's birthday together, and experience all the BOOMs God directed!!!!!
So, happy 24th December!
The hair and the gift.
I decided to take down my previous post.
All I mentioned in it remans true. It's just that it doesn't feel right to keep it out there.
Anyway. Today I woke up feeling like dying my hair. So I did.
It took me some 4 hour to bleach my hair, wash away the bleach, dry my hair, dye it, wash away the dye, and dry it again. But it has always been something I really enjoyed :)
Here's a before after pic. Excuse the expression. It was the only headshot I had of myself with my old hair on my phone.
With a new hair, I feel so fresh!! What's left is to just tidy it up. It's all over the place I feel like Aslan.
-
So, I was on my way back home justnow, and suddenly the idea that Christmas is nearing comes to my mind. Then I suddenly realize something that I'm so thankful of: I feel few kids from Sekia are opening up more towards me, and me towards them. I feel we're closer. And if you've been reading my blog, you should know I don't take this friendship relationship kind of thing for granted. So this alone is more than enough to make me feel so delighted.
It's a great blessing to have friends, you know! And getting closer to Sekia, is so far a very.. HUGE.. Christmas present from Daddy already. But somehow I feel He has more in store.
So Christmas, don't just come and go. I'm expecting something!! :)
Annyong!
All I mentioned in it remans true. It's just that it doesn't feel right to keep it out there.
Anyway. Today I woke up feeling like dying my hair. So I did.
It took me some 4 hour to bleach my hair, wash away the bleach, dry my hair, dye it, wash away the dye, and dry it again. But it has always been something I really enjoyed :)
Here's a before after pic. Excuse the expression. It was the only headshot I had of myself with my old hair on my phone.
With a new hair, I feel so fresh!! What's left is to just tidy it up. It's all over the place I feel like Aslan.
-
So, I was on my way back home justnow, and suddenly the idea that Christmas is nearing comes to my mind. Then I suddenly realize something that I'm so thankful of: I feel few kids from Sekia are opening up more towards me, and me towards them. I feel we're closer. And if you've been reading my blog, you should know I don't take this friendship relationship kind of thing for granted. So this alone is more than enough to make me feel so delighted.
It's a great blessing to have friends, you know! And getting closer to Sekia, is so far a very.. HUGE.. Christmas present from Daddy already. But somehow I feel He has more in store.
So Christmas, don't just come and go. I'm expecting something!! :)
Annyong!
500.
I somehow managed to type over 500 words today. That right there is a sea splitting miracle.
Anyway. I'm sharing a room with my long lost uncle. Name's Andrew, and I call him koko just because he feels that he's too young to be my uncle. Which he is, being 27.
It's fun to have someone to talk to. Roommates aren't that bad at all.
So good night!!
Anyway. I'm sharing a room with my long lost uncle. Name's Andrew, and I call him koko just because he feels that he's too young to be my uncle. Which he is, being 27.
It's fun to have someone to talk to. Roommates aren't that bad at all.
So good night!!
Outta control.
There are some things that is just outta your control.
Being at the wrong place at the wrong time and vice versa..
But God is the God of qarah, therefore I believe what seems wrong to my human perception, is actually God's right.
What people think and feel of you, you can't control either. You can spend your life trying to be the goody two shoes that pleases everyone, and still find someone disliking your effort. Might as well be yourself and trusting God on giving you the friends you actually need in your life.
Yeah. Happy Wednesday people!
Being at the wrong place at the wrong time and vice versa..
But God is the God of qarah, therefore I believe what seems wrong to my human perception, is actually God's right.
What people think and feel of you, you can't control either. You can spend your life trying to be the goody two shoes that pleases everyone, and still find someone disliking your effort. Might as well be yourself and trusting God on giving you the friends you actually need in your life.
Yeah. Happy Wednesday people!
Day 18 - Your beliefs. (part 2)
6. Far, Again.
This second phase of 'distance' happened for quite long. It was for 5 years, and it happened at the most crucial time of me being a teenager, from 7th grade to 12th grade. From 12 to 17.
They say that being a teen are the best days of your life. Mine was a trainwreck.
I just felt so empty. I tried to find fulfillment in being popular and having lots of friends. But not being good at socializing, none happened. Tried to find fulfillment in having a boyfriend, and none actually worked out. Even when I finally got one, emptiness was still there.
Going through this stage of life without any assurance that everything will be alright, or that I am loved, or that I am going to heaven when I die.. It was misery, man. I was so lost, and I tried so hard to look not. So my teenage years was basically... Unhappy. In general. I mean, there are times that I feel happy too lah, but it was just circumstantial and short lived.
7. The Third Encounter.
On how I got to church, you can read it here, in the 2008 section.
Point is, I saw other friends having a God, and I want One too. I want Jesus back. So I got Him back. Or rather, I came home to Him again.
This time, I stuck on. I don't ever want to let go of this Jesus anymore. I kept coming to church although there were oppositions from my Catholic family. It was so worth it.
He became a God of love. I was so negative of life, and knowing (again) that God loves me and that I am saved pulled me out of that. I felt so loved. I would sit in class, and suddenly just think of Jesus, and I would feel so gleeful, and smile to myself and stuff It's just like having a crush.
This time, He gave me a community to stick onto. And God's manifestation was so real. The whole congregation speaking in tongues, healings happening before my eyes, people hearing God's voice whether audible or not, people having visions.. Mawar Sharon has "charismatic" written all over it. And I loved it. Still loving it now.
And he puts people in my life, whom through them, I can see and feel Jesus. Like Ce Linda. She was my supervisor. Like a mentor here in TLG. She's the personification of the word 'gentle'. She is so soft, and I can feel her just full of love towards her 'children'. I actually feel she loves me, that she would do anything for my sake. I feel that she cares, She's just always there.
Another person is Ko Budi. He was the youth leader of my satellite back then. At the early stage of my walk with Jesus, I can really feel Jesus around him. He's full of smiles, friendly, caring.. My first ever youth leader (we called them 'gembala'). So dear in my heart.
Then we had Ko Kar, Ko Pe, Ko Phillip, Ko Rendy and tonnes of other names to mention including Sally and my cellgroup back then, B-19. Led by our one and only Ghon. Still, me and Ghon wasn't that close yet back then. But I still enjoyed cellgroup nontheless.
To be continued.
This second phase of 'distance' happened for quite long. It was for 5 years, and it happened at the most crucial time of me being a teenager, from 7th grade to 12th grade. From 12 to 17.
They say that being a teen are the best days of your life. Mine was a trainwreck.
I just felt so empty. I tried to find fulfillment in being popular and having lots of friends. But not being good at socializing, none happened. Tried to find fulfillment in having a boyfriend, and none actually worked out. Even when I finally got one, emptiness was still there.
Going through this stage of life without any assurance that everything will be alright, or that I am loved, or that I am going to heaven when I die.. It was misery, man. I was so lost, and I tried so hard to look not. So my teenage years was basically... Unhappy. In general. I mean, there are times that I feel happy too lah, but it was just circumstantial and short lived.
7. The Third Encounter.
On how I got to church, you can read it here, in the 2008 section.
Point is, I saw other friends having a God, and I want One too. I want Jesus back. So I got Him back. Or rather, I came home to Him again.
This time, I stuck on. I don't ever want to let go of this Jesus anymore. I kept coming to church although there were oppositions from my Catholic family. It was so worth it.
He became a God of love. I was so negative of life, and knowing (again) that God loves me and that I am saved pulled me out of that. I felt so loved. I would sit in class, and suddenly just think of Jesus, and I would feel so gleeful, and smile to myself and stuff It's just like having a crush.
This time, He gave me a community to stick onto. And God's manifestation was so real. The whole congregation speaking in tongues, healings happening before my eyes, people hearing God's voice whether audible or not, people having visions.. Mawar Sharon has "charismatic" written all over it. And I loved it. Still loving it now.
And he puts people in my life, whom through them, I can see and feel Jesus. Like Ce Linda. She was my supervisor. Like a mentor here in TLG. She's the personification of the word 'gentle'. She is so soft, and I can feel her just full of love towards her 'children'. I actually feel she loves me, that she would do anything for my sake. I feel that she cares, She's just always there.
Another person is Ko Budi. He was the youth leader of my satellite back then. At the early stage of my walk with Jesus, I can really feel Jesus around him. He's full of smiles, friendly, caring.. My first ever youth leader (we called them 'gembala'). So dear in my heart.
Then we had Ko Kar, Ko Pe, Ko Phillip, Ko Rendy and tonnes of other names to mention including Sally and my cellgroup back then, B-19. Led by our one and only Ghon. Still, me and Ghon wasn't that close yet back then. But I still enjoyed cellgroup nontheless.
To be continued.
A sensitive topic.
I just found out that child porn is available in the internet.
My goodness.
I googled it and true enough, it's out there, sites offering all those. I clicked one of them out of curiosity and it was a trap website, saying they have recorded my name and that I have offended this and that and stuff. Haizz.
And nope, I havent watched a single child pornography video in my life. It never occured in my mind that something like that would exist.
I always knew porn is available everywhere. It's created and acted by ADULTS, who are in their right mind, and made the decision to produce what they produce and put it online for other ADULTS in their right mind to consume. Or teens, nowadays.
I mean, I understand why people consume porn. It's understandable, although I can state it doesn't in any way give you the enjoyment that Jesus is able to give. You can indulge in it all you want, and still feel so empty afterwards. Only Jesus fills the hole.
But KIDS porn!!! What is there to enjoy?? So young they havent even grown boobs yet!!! Are they even thinking for themselves? Do they know that there is life out there, another better way to live? At a young delicate age, they are introduced into a life where sex is normal?
I have a 13 year old brother, and a 10 year old sister. And they are tiny!! I trust God for my brother who is entering his teenage years, that He would take good care of him. I mean, sooner or later his peers and the world will offer these kind of stuff to him. But it doesn't always have to be that way. I grow in a family and community where THAT kind of stuff is not normal (looking at the fact that I just found out about this at the old age of 21). So I know there is still hope for families.
I don't know what is the age of the kids they use in their videos. But my sister is 10, and I am sure she is still categorized as a kid. To imagine kids her age... I can't even bear to think of it. She is so little and precious, what kind of sick twisted mind would want to abuse that?
I'm just so thankful with my life now. I'm blessed with a family, good friends, enough money to study and live.. It's just so heartbreaking looking at the other end of the spectrum..
I know the topic is a little out there. But I'm filled with emotions, I'm letting it out here. I guess I'm reacting this way because my sister is of that age. But regardless of whether I have a sister or not, it is still wrong. I hope I don't offend anyone in anyway.
My goodness.
I googled it and true enough, it's out there, sites offering all those. I clicked one of them out of curiosity and it was a trap website, saying they have recorded my name and that I have offended this and that and stuff. Haizz.
And nope, I havent watched a single child pornography video in my life. It never occured in my mind that something like that would exist.
I always knew porn is available everywhere. It's created and acted by ADULTS, who are in their right mind, and made the decision to produce what they produce and put it online for other ADULTS in their right mind to consume. Or teens, nowadays.
I mean, I understand why people consume porn. It's understandable, although I can state it doesn't in any way give you the enjoyment that Jesus is able to give. You can indulge in it all you want, and still feel so empty afterwards. Only Jesus fills the hole.
But KIDS porn!!! What is there to enjoy?? So young they havent even grown boobs yet!!! Are they even thinking for themselves? Do they know that there is life out there, another better way to live? At a young delicate age, they are introduced into a life where sex is normal?
I have a 13 year old brother, and a 10 year old sister. And they are tiny!! I trust God for my brother who is entering his teenage years, that He would take good care of him. I mean, sooner or later his peers and the world will offer these kind of stuff to him. But it doesn't always have to be that way. I grow in a family and community where THAT kind of stuff is not normal (looking at the fact that I just found out about this at the old age of 21). So I know there is still hope for families.
I don't know what is the age of the kids they use in their videos. But my sister is 10, and I am sure she is still categorized as a kid. To imagine kids her age... I can't even bear to think of it. She is so little and precious, what kind of sick twisted mind would want to abuse that?
I'm just so thankful with my life now. I'm blessed with a family, good friends, enough money to study and live.. It's just so heartbreaking looking at the other end of the spectrum..
I know the topic is a little out there. But I'm filled with emotions, I'm letting it out here. I guess I'm reacting this way because my sister is of that age. But regardless of whether I have a sister or not, it is still wrong. I hope I don't offend anyone in anyway.
The Cup Song [video]
So we just watched Pitch Perfect (totally recommended), and there's this audition scene where Anna Kendrick sang this song and doing this thing with this cup...
And here is me attempting to do the same thing!! Enjoy!
Youtube link here.
And here is me attempting to do the same thing!! Enjoy!
Youtube link here.
When a girl dresses up, what does she do it for? Or who?
Lately she looks prettier. She puts on simple make up when she goes out, when usually she doesn't.
I always thought it was just her growing up.
But then turns out, there's this guy who is always around as well when we hang out. Well, mostly.
And I start to wonder, is it him? Is he the reason?
And I think of myself as well. Is there any reason that I try to look my best?
A major part of it is just me being a girl. I please myself first, then others. That's why some think I'm weird. Or unique, in a fancier choice of word.
But I think we all are the same, pleasing ourselves first. And it just so happens I like weirder stuff than my friends in church.
Now I wonder if that is all there is to it. Does a puny part of me want any certain someone to think I'm pretty?
I know for sure I have my own sense of beauty. Bright orange lips, super smokey eyes.. I don't see that a lot around the community I'm in.
Anyway. This is going nowhere.
So I just came back from Ce Joan's wedding. It was AWESOME. The AWESOMEST wedding I've ever attended. More awesome than my own parent's.
I'm drained now, so I'll probably talk about this some other time.
Nights!
Lately she looks prettier. She puts on simple make up when she goes out, when usually she doesn't.
I always thought it was just her growing up.
But then turns out, there's this guy who is always around as well when we hang out. Well, mostly.
And I start to wonder, is it him? Is he the reason?
And I think of myself as well. Is there any reason that I try to look my best?
A major part of it is just me being a girl. I please myself first, then others. That's why some think I'm weird. Or unique, in a fancier choice of word.
But I think we all are the same, pleasing ourselves first. And it just so happens I like weirder stuff than my friends in church.
Now I wonder if that is all there is to it. Does a puny part of me want any certain someone to think I'm pretty?
I know for sure I have my own sense of beauty. Bright orange lips, super smokey eyes.. I don't see that a lot around the community I'm in.
Anyway. This is going nowhere.
So I just came back from Ce Joan's wedding. It was AWESOME. The AWESOMEST wedding I've ever attended. More awesome than my own parent's.
I'm drained now, so I'll probably talk about this some other time.
Nights!
Weddings
Ce Joan's wedding is happening tomorrow. Ce Fanie's happened last two weeks. Haha's happened quite recently as well.
My friends in Surabaya are getting married as well.
At this age, I just came to realize how special a wedding is, how it is such a big deal. Two person making a life long contract that they will live together forever, loving each other while doing it. Of course, in a case where divorce is not an option. Yea, in my life and faith, divorce isn't an option.
Anyway, tomorrow is gonna be a long day. I am so excited for Ce Joan! She deserves to be happy. Ko Willy as well :)
Night, now!
My friends in Surabaya are getting married as well.
At this age, I just came to realize how special a wedding is, how it is such a big deal. Two person making a life long contract that they will live together forever, loving each other while doing it. Of course, in a case where divorce is not an option. Yea, in my life and faith, divorce isn't an option.
Anyway, tomorrow is gonna be a long day. I am so excited for Ce Joan! She deserves to be happy. Ko Willy as well :)
Night, now!
UK Haul [video], Part 2
So, throwing away all my shame, I present to you part 2 of my UK Haul video.
Still awkward, not a lot of smiles, but bear with it yea? The background super noisy also.. I have no idea how to eliminate the background noise..
Regardless, hope you enjoy!
Youtube link, for a better size.
Watch part 1 here.
Thanks for dropping by! Have a nice day!
Still awkward, not a lot of smiles, but bear with it yea? The background super noisy also.. I have no idea how to eliminate the background noise..
Regardless, hope you enjoy!
Youtube link, for a better size.
Watch part 1 here.
Thanks for dropping by! Have a nice day!
New Year Thank Yous - Christine
We first met during FA at Ce Becky's Place in the beginning of 2011.
There's this girl who is very quiet, coming together with Mardian. Curly hair, glasses, and silence. We were introduced to each other, and her name is Christine.
Turns out she kept appearing during FA, and we became FA mates, from the days of FA Anda to FA Sekia now :)
 |
| FA ANDA days. |
I used to see her as the Novena Trio: Christine, Mardian, and Jansen. But mostly Mardian, for wherever he is, you'll most probably find her. They come in a set.
She is so quiet, only speaks when needed. And when she says something, it's what we Indonesians call "Singkat, padat, dan berisi." On point, means what it means. But somehow with Mardian, she talks a lot! I used to be curious with how with Mardian, she opens up. And I am one who has no confidence in my communicating skills, so I thought I had no hope with this girl.
 |
| Remember this? Teehee |
However, I really liked her. Not like THAT, before all of you starts misinterpreting. I like how she doesn't try to impress people, she is just being herself all the time! During dinner together, if she feels sleepy, she would just sit there with her Ipod nano and sleep. We would talk talk talk and realize she isn't making any sound, and found out she would just be sitting there with her eyes closed, and sometimes really being asleep. So amusing!
I'm not going to drag on about how I was in the past (you can read it briefly here and here), but I was really insecure and my life was all about trying to impress people just to make me feel good. So for me with a background like that, watching someone completely oblivious of what people think of her is... Dazzling. I've always admired her for that.
 |
| SEKIA 1st FA! |
One day, I was talking to Mardian, and he told me that Christine said she enjoyed talking to me. I can't begin to explain how pleasant that was to my ears. I mean, I would already be VERY happy if ANYONE said they enjoyed talking to me (no confidence in communicating skills, remember?), and on top of that, this comes from the girl who was always so quiet, whom I thought I had no hope of becoming close friends with. I was SO grateful to The Lord!
I think when you know someone is comfortable with you, you kind of open up more to them, you yourself become more comfortable around them. Since the day Mardian said that, I started to feel closer to her. I am more myself around her, because I know her judgement of me wasn't bad.
Since then, I feel we grew closer and closer. We learnt about "Grace" around the same time, so I feel I have a Grace-buddy: someone who will be on the same page with me when I talk about Grace, and not view me an extreme queer.
 |
| Israel Houghton concert! |
And because she studies design as well, anything design I would go to her (and Ce Joan and now, Matthew). It's a very good feeling knowing someone has the same interest as you :) She was God-sent! Yes, Ce Joan is a designer but she's a working designer. So having a fellow student designer around is very encouraging when you need it. (That's how I feel about Matthew too, who comes around about a year later, if you're reading :)) And she's kind of our church photographer. 9 out of 10 she'll take photos during church events. And she records videos for TLG news as well :D
She is always on time (the opposite of that being me), and I used to ask morning calls from her. And she always walks with a straight back and good posture!! Something the hunched back me wasn't able to do yet.
 |
| The DSLR Quality of her camera. |
She's one who can put up and understand my weirdness. Her calmness counteracts my oddity. Cool headed, just so serene. Having her around just makes me happy and comfortable. She's one of the few people where I can feel comfortable and not awkward with when going out just the two of us.
And when she opens up and tells me stories of her family, her daily life, her school work, her feelings.. It's something that I really love and enjoy. I really love those moments!! Everytime anyone does that, I am just so thankful to God that someone would trust and feel comfortable enough around me to tell all these "normal" things. Oh, these stuff where some people feel are very common, I don't take for granted at all. For someone who's had insecurity problems, I value these simple conversations so much.
A God-given precious sister. And no, turns out she's not that quiet at all. Once you clicked about a topic, she can blaaaaaabber. And we both like reading mangas!!! Not a lot of girls I know reads manga. We both love Hillsong, we like shopping (well most girls do), and most of all, we both are in Christ!! Loved by Jesus and knows it.
 |
| Latest photo as per now :) |
I'm so thankful she's in my FA, in my life. God knows I need someone like her around :)
So, CP! See you around!! :D
***
2011 New Year Thank Yous:
Mardian
Glenn
Other friend stories:
Ghon
Sally
Chilwin
Day 18 - Your beliefs. (part 1)
First things first: I am a Christian, if that isn't obvious enough for some of you who knows me.
Being a Christian means I believe that Jesus is God :)
I think in this post, I'll just talk about the chronological journey of the person of Jesus I know.
You can read a more comprehensive post about this here.
1. One of the gods.
My first impression of Jesus is that He is just one of a few gods that rule in this world. As a kid, I grew up in an environment where the people around me worship different gods.
In elementary school, I had a Catholic religion class. It gave me a shock when my teacher told me that there is only one God. And He's a triune God. Which makes it very confusing. But that changed my mindset on how many God we are supposed to worship, which in my case was one.
2. The Textbook Jesus.
So I know more about this Jesus guy when I moved to Petra, a Christian elementary school. They talk more of Him during religion classes. I came to know legalistic stuff like the 10 commandments, the apostles, the kings in the Old Testament, the famous characters a Christian is supposed to know.
3. The First Encounter.
That night when I was on my 5th or 6th grade (which makes me around 10 or 11), and my dad just scolded me. And he beat me up when he gets angry so it was pretty bad. Back then, whenever my dad scolded me, I would always remember by birth mom who was already dead. It always made me feel worse (like duh). I remember that night I was crying myself to bed, feeling so lonely and sad and full of self pity.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, I remembered this textbook Jesus. The textbooks said that He loves me, and that He's a father. That night, what has always been words on a textbook became so real. Words couldn't explain, but I know that He really does love me. He suddenly became so real! I felt loved by God, and that made me cry even more. I never forgot that night, how for the first time in my life, God became God. That night, I knew that eventhough my earthly father hates me (which he obviously doesn't, but my young mind didn't understand that at that point), I have another Father which doesn't.
That night, my life changed. God is real.
4. The Distance.
So I know Jesus is alive. But I didn't know that we can have a relationship. I didn't read my Bible, I didn't go to church, I have no community. Slowly, the closeness I felt with Jesus during "The First Encounter" faded away, and I came back to the place of insecurity and negativity.
I was a negative person to begin with. Like, my mind tends to think negatively when viewing a situation. With puberty and entering the supposedly "the best time of your life" teenage years, where popularity matters and boyfriends suddenly became important, insecurity rises. And having a stepmom being so perfectly beautiful and loved and popular didn't make things any easier for the teenage me.
I battled all this without God. I know He is always behind the scenes, it's just that I never run to Him. So I always felt that I was battling this alone.
5. The Second Encounter.
During secondary 1 (I was 12), I have a classmate named Gisella. She's Gisel Idol, if you know her. Now she's a rising celebrity in Indonesia :) She goes to this church: Gereja Mawar Sharon. One day, they were having this mini crusade and she invited me, so I came.
That was my first time knowing the charismatic environment. The whole room was speaking in tongues! I've never heard anyone speak in tongues before, that was my first time hearing the "tongue" language. But somehow I know that those alien vocabs were them speaking in tongues. Must be the Holy Spirit telling me, now that I think of it.
There, I remembered the Jesus I encountered two years back. And I want Him again! I want to feel His love again! It's like a fire has been lit again inside me! So I started coming to church with Gisella every week. Sunday school.
But it only lasted 2 or 3 weeks. First, because the kids were unfriendly, didn't really made friends with anyone. Second, Gisella suddenly got angry with me without any reason that I know of. She stopped talking to me, and that will make it very awkward if I attend sunday school where I know nobody but her. So, I stopped coming, and "The Distance" phase slowly happened all over again.
Tired so this will continue into Part 2!!
Good night people!
Being a Christian means I believe that Jesus is God :)
I think in this post, I'll just talk about the chronological journey of the person of Jesus I know.
You can read a more comprehensive post about this here.
1. One of the gods.
My first impression of Jesus is that He is just one of a few gods that rule in this world. As a kid, I grew up in an environment where the people around me worship different gods.
In elementary school, I had a Catholic religion class. It gave me a shock when my teacher told me that there is only one God. And He's a triune God. Which makes it very confusing. But that changed my mindset on how many God we are supposed to worship, which in my case was one.
2. The Textbook Jesus.
So I know more about this Jesus guy when I moved to Petra, a Christian elementary school. They talk more of Him during religion classes. I came to know legalistic stuff like the 10 commandments, the apostles, the kings in the Old Testament, the famous characters a Christian is supposed to know.
3. The First Encounter.
That night when I was on my 5th or 6th grade (which makes me around 10 or 11), and my dad just scolded me. And he beat me up when he gets angry so it was pretty bad. Back then, whenever my dad scolded me, I would always remember by birth mom who was already dead. It always made me feel worse (like duh). I remember that night I was crying myself to bed, feeling so lonely and sad and full of self pity.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, I remembered this textbook Jesus. The textbooks said that He loves me, and that He's a father. That night, what has always been words on a textbook became so real. Words couldn't explain, but I know that He really does love me. He suddenly became so real! I felt loved by God, and that made me cry even more. I never forgot that night, how for the first time in my life, God became God. That night, I knew that eventhough my earthly father hates me (which he obviously doesn't, but my young mind didn't understand that at that point), I have another Father which doesn't.
That night, my life changed. God is real.
4. The Distance.
So I know Jesus is alive. But I didn't know that we can have a relationship. I didn't read my Bible, I didn't go to church, I have no community. Slowly, the closeness I felt with Jesus during "The First Encounter" faded away, and I came back to the place of insecurity and negativity.
I was a negative person to begin with. Like, my mind tends to think negatively when viewing a situation. With puberty and entering the supposedly "the best time of your life" teenage years, where popularity matters and boyfriends suddenly became important, insecurity rises. And having a stepmom being so perfectly beautiful and loved and popular didn't make things any easier for the teenage me.
I battled all this without God. I know He is always behind the scenes, it's just that I never run to Him. So I always felt that I was battling this alone.
5. The Second Encounter.
During secondary 1 (I was 12), I have a classmate named Gisella. She's Gisel Idol, if you know her. Now she's a rising celebrity in Indonesia :) She goes to this church: Gereja Mawar Sharon. One day, they were having this mini crusade and she invited me, so I came.
That was my first time knowing the charismatic environment. The whole room was speaking in tongues! I've never heard anyone speak in tongues before, that was my first time hearing the "tongue" language. But somehow I know that those alien vocabs were them speaking in tongues. Must be the Holy Spirit telling me, now that I think of it.
There, I remembered the Jesus I encountered two years back. And I want Him again! I want to feel His love again! It's like a fire has been lit again inside me! So I started coming to church with Gisella every week. Sunday school.
But it only lasted 2 or 3 weeks. First, because the kids were unfriendly, didn't really made friends with anyone. Second, Gisella suddenly got angry with me without any reason that I know of. She stopped talking to me, and that will make it very awkward if I attend sunday school where I know nobody but her. So, I stopped coming, and "The Distance" phase slowly happened all over again.
Tired so this will continue into Part 2!!
Good night people!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Bloglovin Button
