[illustration] Do not trust.

This piece is inspired by Proverbs 3:5.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"

The MSG version puts it in a cooler way. "Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own."

Doesn't this one verse set you free? Well it definitely set me free, especially in the area of getting what I do or do not deserve.

We were thought all our lives, one plus one equals two. Too much fat will increase weight. Lack of experience means less pay. Bad first impression means unsalvageable relationship.

I'm not implying that all those are wrong. It's just that we have a third and most important variable here, which (or who) is GOD. He just interferes with what we think is natural, defies all logic, and delivers results often times beyond our reasoning.

Who would've thought water could turn into wine? He bypasses the time needed to turn grapes into wine. Yet, in the first place, water and grapes are universes apart. One cannot turn into the other. (John 2:1-11)

Who could've explained how the blind could see by putting dirt (which theoretically would make you even blinder) onto the eyes? (John 9:1-41)

Or how the dead be brought back to life? (John 11:1-44)
Or how nature would listen to the words of a young carpenter? (Mark 4:35-41)
Or how He would transform a few tough rough fishermen, tax collectors, Christian TORTURER and MURDERER and men of them sorts into Spirit filled, wise, and brave apostles, spreading the gospel that we live by today?

Or how He has bought you from where you were to where you are now?

We've seen all over the bible that He defies natural understanding.

Inexperienced? You have Jesus.
Awkward first meeting? You have Jesus.
Boss just scolded you? You have Jesus.
Bad scores? You have Jesus. Your future is not doomed.
Bad breath? You have Jesus. She might not even smelled it at all.
Chubby? You have Jesus. He might prefer them curves!

So, use your brain, but don't trust it completely.
Jesus might just prove you wrong.


***

Illustration wise.

I've never really used watercolor before, though I've always liked it. I think I was too lazy to get the papers and stuff. Even this one isn't done on proper water color paper.

I figured I have a job, so I have nothing to lose now. I'll just draw what I want.

Update si ganteng (2)

Setelah mencoba di stalk (nemu fb, instagram n twitter e lho! Pro), nampaknya doi bukan tipeku. Walau physically almost perfect, kayaknya personality wise, ak lebih gahar. Trs twitternya mention2an sama cewe2 buanyak banget. Trs buat ukuran cowo, foto diri sendirinya d instagram agak melebihi batas normal.

I know melalui gini tok ga bisa fully judge him. Tp tak bisa dipungkiri, level ke ngefans an udah menurun.

Update si ganteng.

Tampaknya dia belum kenal Tuhan.

Yah biarlah menjadi bahan tatapan saja.

Si ganteng.

Maaari ngobrol pakek bahasa medok. Soale sodok bahaya.

Cerita dimulai dari kenyataan bahwa ws 2 minggu ak pulang sampe rumah mualem trs.

Mari didata.

Tue, 19 Nov: Doa TLG Movie
Wed, 20 Nov: Dinner with Gabby
Thur, 21 Nov: Latian PW
Fri, 22 Nov: FA
Sat, 23 Nov: YRC
Sun, 24 Nov: Nonton & dinner with Sekia.
Mon, 25 Nov: Dinner with C Jindy
Tue, 26 Nov: Dinner with Anes
Wed, 27 Nov: Out with CP
Thurs, 28 Nov: Latian PW
Fri, 29 Nov: OT
Sat, 30 Nov: YRC
Sun, 1 Dec: Batam
Mon, 2 Dec: Dinner with The Wild Ones
Tue, 3 Dec: OT, trs latian PW

Seng dilakukan itu mbikin hepi. Sumpah, gak ada 1 pun seng ak keberatan.

Tapi yo lek kesel badan, gak isa dipungkiri. Trs karena badan kesel, mental ya suwe2 kesel. Apalagi hari ini hari pertama datang bulan. Wes. Kudu lari kabur dari kantor pulang tidur.

Tadi dgrno kotbah Max Lucado sampek kudu nangis. Soal Tuhan itu Abba e kita, trs Max jelasno, pas dee liak anak e gagal pentas piano, trs anak e nangis meluk dee dan anak e cm ngmg, "Oh, Daddy..."
Trs Max bilang, 2 kata itu tok wes cukup buat bikin Max kasi seluruh dunia ke anak e lek dee isa.
Luangsung mata berkaca2 d kantor. Nahan2 jok sampek nangis.

Trs pas lunch, mood wes males pol. Apalagi atasan mengungkit sesuatu sg gak enak. Wes makin buete.

Trs, hari ini tu tugasku dekor salah satu restoran punya e companyku seng letak e nun jauh di Changi City Point. Mbayangno e ae wes kudu nggeblak. Wes memastikan semua barang di tangan, cabut lah naik taksi ke CCP. Trs, ketiduran di taksi. Untung sopir taksi e baek ak gak dimacem2i.

Jadi, cerita dimulai.

Mari kita rewind beberapa hari sebelumnya. Tepatnya Senin, 25 Nov.

Itu pertama kali ak ke restoran tersebut. Sebutlah restoran T. Tujuan ke sana buat ndekor natal since udah mau natalan (dari jaman SMP kerjaan kok podo.) Jadilah kenalan dengan semua kru restoran: Chef dan para waiter dan waitress dan manager. Btw sg cewe2 part time medeni pol. Seng cowo2 e jau lebi baik dan ramah.

Chef e baik pol. Sebutlah Chef R namanya. Ditawari mau dinner tah dsb. Trs sg banyak bantui dekor ada 2, which is W dan J. Mereka sampek menek2 tangga dll.. Terima kasih dari hati yang terdalam.

Tiba2 topik pembicaraan menuju seorang pria, which is adik e J. Seng mulai Chef e pisan.. Mbanyol ancen. Dibilang tuinggi adik e. Mataku berbinar dongg, cowok tinggi di lingkungan teman saya kan stoknya rendah (maaf semua cowo2 yang baca blog). Tp karena reaksi yang terlalu positif, jadi sasaran empuk gae digarai.

Trs sungguan, jam 6 waktu jadwale si adik dateng, ak lagi ngmg2 mb Chef mb si J, trs tiba2 mereka ngmg "ITU DATENG ITU DATENG" dan si adik muncul e dari arah blakangku. Ak langsung sinyal suruh mereka diem jok terlalu obvious, tapi smakin diparah2no.

Akhir e adik e muncul juga, dan sungguan tuinggi. Terpanalah dirikuku. Trs awkward lah gara2 Chef mb J wes so obvious gitu. Akhir e dikenalno, trs podo2 awkward. Ak mau ajak salaman (kebiasaan di greja di train begitu kan) ya ragu gt, tangan wes seperempat ngangkat tp jadi ga jadi, sampek Chef e ngmg ke dee "Salaman laaaa" baru salaman. Pas dee ngmg nama e, wes ga dgr soale wes kadung malu sek. Muka e pun ga brani liak. Uisin la gara2 digarai gitu. Tp akhir e tau lah.

Sebut namanya S. Tingginya 183. Umur 24. Perfect gak.

Trs pas mau pulang ya digarai pisan mb Chef mb koko e. Seng Chef mau kasi nomer HPe dee lah, seng koko e nanya kapan ak free lah (which 2-2 e gak kurespon), tapi ya mbanyol. Bikin hati ceria.

Fast forward kembali ke hari ini. 

Setelah sampek CCP, jalan kan ke restoran. Pas mau masuk, ternyata si S duduk di depan. Wes salting la. Wes saling ketemu mata, tapi ya kaya e dee lupa siapa ak gt (hari ini softlens an kan soale mau dinner b Fena dll jadi ya mungkin beda muka e), trs ak ya gak mau SKSD, lek dee ga ngenali aku lak ya isin. Akhire jalan cepet2 masuk sek nyari manager e. Jetemu si J pisan. Trs ya sudah mulai dekor lah.

Trs entah gimana, si J dan semua yang lain ndekor bagian luar, sisa ak mb S ndekor bagian dalem.
Swt soro.

Trs buat memecah suasana, ak lah seng crewet sek. Kan ak mikir e, mau dipacokno segimana, kan ya akhir e mek temen, org baru kenal. Jd ya ta anggep ae itu kaya ngmg mb anak baru cowo Sekia gt. Kan biasa e ak seng crewet sek biar anak baru ga krasa awkward. Tapi ya mau segimana berusaha nganggep dee kayak anak baru Sekia, wes kadung awkward se.. Jadi ya mbo wes.

Jadi terjadilah percakapan pendek2. Dee ya mbales i e sodok awkward gt. Wes mboh.. Piro kali gt kerja dalam kediaman. Piro kali ta coba ajak ngmg. Pls jok dikomplen ak mesti e biarno dee seng ajak ngmg. Ak ga isa kayak gt. Lagian must keep in mind aimku adalah menjadi teman dan tidak lebih.

Akhirnya ada 1 topik seng dee lumayan responsif. Jadi e ngobrol lah dan wes ga piroo awkward lagi. Pas koko e lewat liak kita ngmg, isa mesem2 dewe. Hais.

Trs gara2 ngobrol, akhir e jadi liak muka e dee (which means de e ya liak mukaku dan ada jerawat guede pol d jidatku skr.)

jerawat.

Anyway. Ternyata muka e dee smakin diliak smakin ganteng. Bnr2 imut. Ga nyadar hari pertama soale wes kadung tegang. Trs dee kurus tinggi gitu. Jadi, kalau mau dirangkum ala pelajaran BI, physically, he's really my type.

Tinggi, kurus, trs muka e ga seng langsung ngguanteng ptama kali liak, tapi seng model biasa tapi smakin diliak smakin menarik. 

Trs, pas kerja bareng, manager e (cewe, sebut J) masuk gitu trs macok2no maneh, DI DEPAN KITA BERDUA. (Ke S) "Lek ngmg seng banter! Ya apa lek nti kamu minta nomer e Kim trs dee ga dgr?"
Mbowes.

Mesti dimengerti ya. Ini orang ga kenal. Misal lek mbe Anes gt mau dipacok2no sampek maranata dateng ya silakan.

Lha lek iki.. Kan uaneh pol. Ga kenal tp dipacokno. Piye.

Tapi sejujurnya ada hepi e seh. Wes lama ga ngrasano sg kayak gini.

In the end, abis pulang ndekor jadi hepi gara2 S dan gangguan para kru. Lifted my spirit a lot.

Trs abis itu makan malem mb Fena Rina n Wenny jadi mood sudah sepenuhnya pulih. Tinggal badan butuh tidur.

Jadi, inilah kisah cowok ganteng baru dalam hidupku. Tp tenang, karena ga bakal terjadi apa2. Mengapa? Karena if you know me by now, standar dasar cowokku is HARUS cinta Tuhan. Jadi sblm bagian itu terklarifikasi, cowok ganteng hanyalah buat dipandang dan tidak lebih.

Cerita selesai.

Selamat malam!

One way I found to make life easier:

Accept that you are not perfect.

That you make mistakes.

That people might get annoyed with you, like how you get annoyed with some people.

That you might disappoint people, like how some people has disappointed you.

That you might fail and fall sometimes.

And all that is okay. We are not God.

It's NORMAL for us to make mistakes. Nothing shocking there.

Get over it, put it under God's grace, and move on.

Change is done by the Holy Spirit, and not by your might.

Just look back to His righteousness when you fail. It's how good He is that matters, not how good you are.


I find this makes life so much easier.

Especially for a perfectionist like me.

Work.

My Imac in the office. And yes that's facebook.

I think I should've posted this post way earlier.

To be honest, I filmed a vlog about it, and then when I wanted to edit it recently, I thought it sucked. So I sacked it. Hahaha!

I've been working for over a month now.

Work is fun, actually. I like going to the office. I like the long bus rides in the morning and evening. It gives me time to think or read or listen to sermon or catch up with people (online). Or just listen to some good Christian music and just.. worship. It's the best.

Work wise, it's all mainly still in my comfort zone. Nothing too bizarre, therefore I'm pretty relaxed. There are days where a lot of stuff needs to be done. My worst OT was 10 pm. But the company provided a cab charge so it was all good. All good.

But so far, I've been feeling an inward rest. I'm happy.

Colleague wise, they are all very nice people. Obviously it isn't as comfortable as talking to someone from church, but it's still very good. No problem at all. I don't mind not talking much.

During work time, Itunes and Spotify are always on. Itunes for listening to sermons and poscasts (I copied all my sermon collection into my office Imac), and Spotify to listen to songs. Spotify is a really good software, man. I don't know how they make any profit though. There's probably some business mechanism going on that I don't understand.

Pay wise, the average fresh grad designer. But it's okay. In this weakness (average pay), His Strength is made PERFECT! I'm excited to see Him reveal something about Himself. in the financial area. But I do wish I'll get a raise. I huge one! Amen.

Are there any worries? In the beginning, of cos. Not so much about the job, but more to my future and career in general.

Then, after a few days, God spoke to me in Isaiah.

"Even to your old age I will be the same, And even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it, and I will carry you; And I will bear you and I will deliver yoEven to your old age I will be the same, And even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it, and I will carry you; And I will bear you and I will deliver you."
- Isaiah 46:4

It instantly calmed my heart.

God is already in my future. He's there. And of He's there, I'm good. As long as Jesus is in my boat, no storm cam harm me.

Then verses like "do not worry for tomorrow" and "His Grace is sufficient" popped up. And I know I'm in good hands.

"But don't we have to work to make money?"

True. But if God doesn't bless, no matter how hard you work, it will be a man-kind of result. I'd rather have a God kind of result. He knows what's best, and He knows how to lead me. He is my Shepherd. So where He leads, I'll just follow.

If ever I'm not following His lead (which I feel I have done countless times, I mean there's no exact way to know other than that unpeacefulness in my heart), He's a Shepherd who leaves 99 to find ONE. According to my 5 years of experience, HE draws me back. It was not my effort to crawl near Him. I was always the one receiving. He leads me back with His goodness.

We all have a good God, people.

I'm done talking for tonight. Shall enjoy my resting time now. Peace!

[ootd]

Did I just made myself seem very vain by doing this?

Hahaha! But I honestly liked what I wore that day, so I decided to document it before work.

Vain or no vain, it's posted.

I'm hungry by the way. Shall go to the kitchen and eat.

Night!!

The 5 (well, probably a lot more in reality) People I'll Meet in Heaven.

Yes, I'm still alive. Ha!

I was going to sleep last night, and this was the second big revelation (that I remembered) I had before dozing off.
First one was blogged here.

So I was laying there and tuning on to Him, and it dawned on me that I am going to heaven one day, and I will get to see the real Jesus face to face!

I'll get to see Abraham and Moses and David and Joseph and John the apostle (which by the way is my number 2 favorite guy in the Bible after God (= Jesus)), and oh the questions I would ask!

Was it hard believing that you'll be the father of this much people?
Have you ever thought that God Himself would be born into the world as one of your 'descendant'?
How was it like talking to God face to face? Moreover as a friend!
Why didn't you go down to one person when you bargained with God for Sodom and Gomorrah? But then it wouldn't be cool. We had another version of sin city in my days. It's called Vegas.

How did you feel when you're about to part the Red Sea? Well technically God did it, but still..
Was there any doubt at all?
How did you feel when you're unable to enter Canaan? Frustrated?
Can't believe you spent 40 years in the wilderness. By the way, I've always held on to your life story. Living till 120, eyes not growing dim nor strength abated and stuff. Yeah, man.

Why did you choose 5 stones? Did you know at all it's the number of grace?
So do you envy me, the one who lives in the grace generation? (Teehee) Quoting your words, "one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered"? :D
HOW COULD YOU MARRY SO MANY WOMAN? Walao. I'm glad playboys at your caliber don't exist anymore in my days.
But you were pretty cool. Your Psalms had serenaded my days. One of my favorite books in the Bible. Do you even know what a Bible is? Do they update you here in heaven?

Did you know that you will be typified as Yeshuah Himself? Or that your life story is modeled according to how His would be?
Have you ever thought that the name of your little brother will be used to mark a generation? The one I was living in?
Have you ever questioned God why all those happened to you? You did nothing to deserve that. Have you ever felt that way? Well we know now that the story ended pretty well, but you didn't at that point right?
By the way. My dad has the same name as yours. And so is that one preacher who basically changed my life.

Wasn't it awkward, leaning onto Jesus' bosom? Was it a trend that day? Cos it would've been super weird in my days.
It must be awesome, living with Jesus like that! You're kind of the quiet one. Which I can relate to.
You're my favorite apostle by the way. More than that seemingly more famous Peter. Though it's pretty cool that he walked on water. In fact. I'm gonna go find him now.


....


And then, I'll meet Jesus Himself.

Oh my God.

Will it be like a "FINALLY" moment? Gosh I'll run and hug Him. Maybe I'll cry.

To see Him with my own two eyeballs, to see what He really looks like.. Wow.
We'll see how close He is to the illustration and movies we have now.

So I was just laying there with all these running through my head. It made me so excited. I was smiling to sleep.

It was pretty awesome :)

Tomorrow will be my first day of work.

I want to throw up.

I know it will be great! God is with me after all.

But still.

I want to throw up.

[Vlog] Weaknesses?

The youth leader mentioned was Ko Iie.

He just briefly mentioned Romans 8:31 at the end of his sermon, and this thought came to mind.

The question was "If God is for us, who could be against us?"

A rhetorical question, which answer was an expected "nobody".

While a "nothing" refers to a thing, "nobody" refers to people.

I am a person. Could it be that I'm included in the nobody?

After 22 years of living, sometimes my biggest enemy seems to be myself. Bad characters, stiff personality, the mistakes I've made..

It might be a little confusing. How can you be against yourself in the first place? But, taking into account that you are a spirit, living in a body, your flesh and the true you are two separate things. You live in a body full of flesh, but your flesh isn't you.

Your flesh is that part of your being which has that sinful nature. But you yourself are a completely new creation!

Rom 7:15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.  20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 

So, I included my flesh in the "nobody" of that verse, and it was such a liberating feeling. I checked if this was true with ce Joan and Ghon, and both agreed. So, there we go!

And the other leader who told me about how to handle weaknesses was Ghon. During the Aussie trip, Anes, whom spent 24 hours with me everyday for 2 weeks, told me that I was stubborn, which kind of hit the mark. My whole family obviously knows but it kinda stopped there, with them. Having a friend see that was kind of embarrassing, and made me a little sad.

But I really appreciated and like his honesty. To have a well meaning friend to pin point a negative side of yours is really rare. So I do treasure him.

But still I was a little sad, and that night I confided in Ghon, and she told me what I told you in the video. Not to deny it but know that it's the perfect workshop for God. Then it made sense why Paul would rather boast in his weaknesses.

And if you're wondering what's with the Vlogs (as if blogging isn't enough to get my message across), I do find it fun to create these :D Sometimes you don't feel like typing, and while talking awkwardly to the camera was really something, I enjoyed it. Although editing might even take longer then typing, but when you like it, it's fun.

Soo that's that and have a very good day people!

Night!

The United Kingdom part 4 | St. Brides Library

Hello there! Long time no see! So lets comtinue!

So after the whole class gathered, we started moving to St. Bride's library.

Chill officers.

Some pretty classic alley! Love.

Classmates.

The library was pretty hidden. We needed to climb narrow stairs that opened up to this yard, where the library was. There were cafes in the narrow alley and even beside the staircases. Someone was having a party that day. So classic and pretty!

St. Brides itself was an old library, brimming with history and culture. They are famous for their typography legacy.

So we were gathered in this one huge room. Took pics while waiting.

We were divided into 2 groups. My group went to this old typography workshop full of ancient printing tools and early machines.

That dome on the bottom was used to print newspapers. 

One of the early mass printing machine.

Each one of the blocks consists of a letter.

Arrange them like this to get a sentence. 

Bars of metal to hold the whole thing in place.

Early Columbian printing machine.

Another machine. I forgot what these are for.

Forgot what this was for as well. Hahaha

The guy that brought us around. Forgot his name.

Apparently our group finished first. So we went to the toilet.

THREE locks. Safety while doing your business guaranteed!

Gosh THIS HAIR.

One joined.

The room in front of the Ladies'.

Love the color!

Back in the hall, they served us with tea. Experiencing the authentic England tea break!

Look at that color!

After the break, our group went to other parts of the library.

Some other old guy giving us instructions.

A long complicated journey through the nooks
and crannies of an old building!

Gathered to another room.

I think he was showing us some early typography. Argh memory.

He brought us into this room. Now this room is very special. It was made to stand a fire. So in case a fire breaks out, the items in this room will be kept safe. So what's in there must be pretty important.

Safe kept artifacts!

In front of the window, on a desk, was this book.
Reminds me of some magic spell book you see on fantasy movies.

Isn't this beeeeeautiful?

We left the room and the old mister showed us some more stuff.

Hieroglyphs (?)

THE original British road sign.

The last shot before we left the room.

Nokia produced desktops.

Please forgive me. I completely forgot what are those boxes.

Hey Mister!

What are yous?

And so apparently that was the last picture I took at St. Brides Library.

So after St. Brides, we went our own ways with our own groups. Our group wanted to visit the London Bridge, but they say it's prettier at night, so we went around town to wait until the sun sets!

So stay tuned for the next episode!

Byee! :D