Day 18 - Your beliefs. (part 2)

6. Far, Again.

This second phase of 'distance' happened for quite long. It was for 5 years, and it happened at the most crucial time of me being a teenager, from 7th grade to 12th grade. From 12 to 17.

They say that being a teen are the best days of your life. Mine was a trainwreck.

I just felt so empty. I tried to find fulfillment in being popular and having lots of friends. But not being good at socializing, none happened. Tried to find fulfillment in having a boyfriend, and none actually worked out. Even when I finally got one, emptiness was still there.

Going through this stage of life without any assurance that everything will be alright, or that I am loved, or that I am going to heaven when I die.. It was misery, man. I was so lost, and I tried so hard to look not. So my teenage years was basically... Unhappy. In general. I mean, there are times that I feel happy too lah, but it was just circumstantial and short lived.


7. The Third Encounter.

On how I got to church, you can read it here, in the 2008 section.

Point is, I saw other friends having a God, and I want One too. I want Jesus back. So I got Him back. Or rather, I came home to Him again.

This time, I stuck on. I don't ever want to let go of this Jesus anymore. I kept coming to church although there were oppositions from my Catholic family. It was so worth it.

He became a God of love. I was so negative of life, and knowing (again) that God loves me and that I am saved pulled me out of that. I felt so loved. I would sit in class, and suddenly just think of Jesus, and I would feel so gleeful, and smile to myself and stuff It's just like having a crush.

This time, He gave me a community to stick onto. And God's manifestation was so real. The whole congregation speaking in tongues, healings happening before my eyes, people hearing God's voice whether audible or not, people having visions.. Mawar Sharon has "charismatic" written all over it. And I loved it. Still loving it now.

And he puts people in my life, whom through them, I can see and feel Jesus. Like Ce Linda. She was my supervisor. Like a mentor here in TLG. She's the personification of the word 'gentle'. She is so soft, and I can feel her just full of love towards her 'children'. I actually feel she loves me, that she would do anything for my sake. I feel that she cares, She's just always there.

Another person is Ko Budi. He was the youth leader of my satellite back then. At the early stage of my walk with Jesus, I can really feel Jesus around him. He's full of smiles, friendly, caring.. My first ever youth leader (we called them 'gembala'). So dear in my heart.

Then we had Ko Kar, Ko Pe, Ko Phillip, Ko Rendy and tonnes of other names to mention including Sally and my cellgroup back then, B-19. Led by our one and only Ghon. Still, me and Ghon wasn't that close yet back then. But I still enjoyed cellgroup nontheless.

To be continued.