A little change of mind.

I grow up with a very traditional Indonesian family mindset.

That it is a guy's job to pursue the girl. That classy girls are supposed to be hard to get. It was planted in my head so deep by my family and former church, that dates are... I don't know how to put this.. But it was such a massive deal to go on a date with someone not yet your boyfriend. Kind of forbidden.

So watching a guy pursue more than one girl at the same time was absolutely unacceptable for me. A player. With no concern and respect towards a woman's heart. D e s p i c a b l e.

And apparently it has happened to me a few times where I feel a guy is interested in me, and we got close, only for me to find out that I wasn't the only one. I immediately backed out from each of them, and stayed away completely from the douchebag.

Sad thing is most of the time, I've already developed feelings for the guy. So it was not easy. It hurts.

Once, Ce Joan said, "if you think you are more suitable for a guy, that you can make him happier than the other woman ever can, you should fight for him too!"

At that point, I can't absorb the idea. I'm not that... forward.

Then, last July I came back to Indonesia for my school holiday. There I met one of my close guy friend. We've been friends since I was 15.

He used to be a shy guy. A sincere guy who always gives all when pursuing a girl. And he was smart. So after a few relationships that didn't work out, he analyzed them all and he had this complete change of mindset. He started to go on dates with different girls, built up his confidence, putting himself out there. Some might call this type of guy a player. The type of guy I used to despise.

But because we were so close, I tried to understand what was going through his mind doing all this. He told me, that for him, he was just giving everyone a try. By going on dates, you can see if you actually click. So you're saving your time and energy, rather than trying to approach a girl slowly only to find out you aren't suited for each other in the end. Once you find a someone you really like, THEN you stay faithful to that one person. And true enough, once He found someone he thought was worth it, he fought for her so hard he could break a rock. Okay that was lame.

But because I know him well, I know he is not a player, neither a guy with bad intentions towards girls. So I gave his mindset a thought. And it starts to make sense, the idea of going on dates to get to know each other.

What really affected me was going to the UK. A different environment where people are more open minded. There, the idea of going on dates really made sense. If it works, it works. If it doesn't work, both of you benefit from it. At least you are sure it won't work.

Now, I still think the chase is a guy's job. Will I ever fight for a guy? I don't know. Noone has ever made me feel he's worth fighting yet. It's just that now I can accept the fact that some guys do chase more than one girl at the same time. I do still prefer guys who approach one girl at a time, but now I can understand those who don't.

Anyway. Shall start working on my dissertation again. My family being here and Christmas, I haven't touched it for over a week. Hur.

Bye!