I'm back in Surabaya again.
In a brief period of 2 months, I have had the warm / heartbreaking process of meeting and leaving my family 3 times.
13 May: 1st meeting - I came to Surabaya
17 June: 1st separation - I left for Singapore
26 June: 2nd meeting - They came to Singapore
1 July: 2nd separation - They went back to Surabaya
13 July: 3rd meeting - I came back to Surabaya
22 July: Upcoming 3rd separation.
Meeting them is always a delight. It's always nice being around family. But then, leaving (or being left) by them is as hard.
During the 2nd separation, when they left for Surabaya, it was the worst feeling. We were living in our new apartment, so it's not like it's a hotel where you just leave and check out and the housekeepers clears the room for you. Living in your apartment gives you the sense of.. belonging. And ownership. And this feeling makes a huge difference on the experience I'm about to tell you.
Their flight was at 8 am. So, they needed to be in the airport at around 6. So at 5 am, the whole house wakes up and there was a commotion going on, while I stayed in bed half alive watching them. Everyone was running around, taking showers and dumping the last of their stuff into their luggage. Lights were blinding and it was noisy. And I like it. It makes me know they were there. And even while I'm still half conscious, I was fully aware that in a few minutes, it will be all gone.
5.30 am, and I was sending them off to the front door. There wasn't even time for hugs or kisses. Only papi did hug and kiss me. While Bryan will always be Bryan, the rest were in too much of a hurry I think. When the lift door closed, an overwhelming feeling of alone-ness rushed in.
It was TERRIBLE! And I realize, it's always me alone! When I left them from Surabaya to Singapore, it's always me ALONE leaving and the FOUR of them being left. And now, its FOUR of them leaving and me being left ALONE. How fair is that?? *exhale
And the walk back to my room from the front door was pretty emotional.
Imagine.
A house where all the lights are on.
A girl, alone, locking the main gate.
She walks in, turned off the porch light.
Went through the front door. Locks it.
Walks pass the living room, turns the lights off. From the outside, you can see one room turns dark.
She walks through the hallway, checking the toilet. Finding the light on, she turns it off. One more room goes dark.
She went to her parents room. The bed were messy, she couldn't bother. She went to the master bathroom, turned off the light. There goes another room. Not long after, the master bedroom goes dark as well.
She goes into her room, and turned the lights off. The silence was deafening.
Now, the only light in the house comes from her bathroom. It was the last room with the lights on. She took a pee (HAHA ruined the mood), and turned the lights off afterwards.
Now the whole house was dark.
THAT WAS EXACTLY HOW IT WENT. With every light switched off, the reality that I'm alone in this whole house keeps hitting harder. When I crawled onto my king-sized bed, it seemed so BIG. And empty. It was usually the 3 of us sleeping together: me, Bryan, Aiko; sharing the same blanket. And you cam imagine the pulling and tugging, fighting over the blanket territory. And I can always feel part of Aiko's body next to me. I always made sure some part of our body were in contact physically. Either my finger touches hers, or my legs touches hers, anything. It makes me comfortable.
And now there was nobody!! The huge bed felt really uncomfortable. And at that time in the morning, surrounded by darkness, I was busy rearranging the position of the mattress in the room, just to make myself feel a little better.
Aware of the fact that there was nobody else in the house, I prayed to God, reminding myself that He takes care of the house, and His angels guards it (Ps 34:7.) And I talked to God to sleep. Took a while there.
The next morning, woke up at noon. And I guess the sunlight made me feel all better. By then, they've reached Indonesia.
Skipped breakfast, tidied up the house. Separated all the pillows and bolsters from their sheets and kept them. Same goes for the bedsheets and blankets. Packed up all my stuff, swept and mopped the floor, took a bath, made sure all windows were locked, and by 3 pm, left for Ang Mo Kio.
I needed to take care of some school and bank stuff, and that's why I only was able to fly back almost 2 weeks after.
I was excited of meeting them, hands down, but at the same time I know that I'll have to leave AGAIN. It's like two sides of a coin, you can't separate one from the other. And this will keep happening probably until one day I decide to move back here, or until I have a boyfriend/husband to fly back to Singapore with.
So, yeah! I'm in Surabaya now. See you around!
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