Looking for the Princess pt. 1

Hello!!!

I’m feeling quite :D tonight. After all these while, I feel free! To list some of my most mind consuming busyness the past few weeks:

1. Musical practice (duh)


2. Illustration for musical


3. Dance SAS


4. Theatre SAS


5. The submission of exercise 2 all on last week


6. Draw for 100 friends exhibition


7. Phunk meetings


8. Freelance job

It was hectic. It’s all done now (except number 7), and tonight I’m feeling light and free :D

And deepest condolences for a friend.. Your dad is at his best now, with our Daddy JC :) May Daddy give you strength and peace and joy through it all! And btw, all pics in this post taken by myself, Christine Poriman, MC Photography, and Eliott (http://www.rhetoriques.com).

So.. Finally on October 1st, TLG had it’s 2011 musical, “Mencari Putri”.

After a long long 6 months, finally! Finally!!

Gosh, I remember our first practice after KOM at Vanda 3.. That was the first time I really talked to Ncep (who plays the lead role Satria) I acted as PANCI in this musical. She’s Satria’s best friend, and has a twin bro named Panca. She’s (supposed to be) cheerful, adorable, oblivious, energetic, blur.. I still remember, Ce Manda said, her (and Panca’s) energy level has to be above the average level of a normal human being.

Panca Panci

Honestly at first, I didn’t think it would’ve been that hard. But it was. There are times that I thought someone else should’ve gotten chosen. During practices, there are times that I felt I’ve given it my all, yet it’s not good enough. And sometimes I feel overshadowed by Dodo. I think he’s a natural :)

However, unlike most people I’ve asked, never once I felt lazy to go practice. I was always looking forward to it, excited everytime the time comes for practice! The thought of it makes me happy! Sometimes, it’s even the only thing that so called keeps me going when days get tough :)

dancers in action during practice

So, after practicing for 3 months, finally Ce Manda praised our acting! (Panca Panci.) 3 months, people. I was so happy when I heard that compliment. But at the same time, how bad were we that first 3 months?

I remembered how one day ko Felix was disappointed at us, and slammed the script to the floor.. With all respect, it’s a memory I cherish.. lol

Things were tough towards the end. Everything was piling up at the same time (almost all 8 points I listed above), and I felt drained. The worst point was this. During these days, sharings on fb by Chuiel really strengthened me. He’s honest, and his sharing of what God taught him, it’s very2 encouraging. Especially his last sharing. Whoa :)

And in my post few weeks ago, I stated that if I survived last week, you are seeing the product of God’s grace. Well, I survived and survived well :)

Paying the taxi fares, esp on September, was pocket money sucking. Thank God I got a few freelance job, so it all got covered :) My Jehova Jireh!! :D And friends who sent me home when it gets too late.. Mykey, ko Ceka, ko Felix.. Thank you! Appreciate it :)

Common problem while performing Panci:

1. Not energetic enough


2. I like to look down


3. Specs sliding down slowly


4. The first note after the chords change from Am to D


5. (for me) Not lembeng enough.

So, when I focus on an aspect, usually I forgot the other. Thank God, slowly the energetic issue was getting lesser and lesser, and the specs was changed to a funky orange specs. But the other 3 issues remains.

I do realize we (Panca Panci) are getting lesser and lesser complaints by the directors as time passed by. Thank God for that! :)

On Wednesday (D-3,) we had a prayer meeting. And it was the best. I really needed that, wasn’t at my best at that period of time. It was uplifting, refreshing, energizing, everything! It was exactly what we all needed, I believe. On Thursday, we all rested (Well I didn’t. Finishing my portrait for the 100 Friends)

Friday (D-1), we had our rehearsals. PTL, I think it went well. Ce Manda said that I was way better then the usual practice. I honestly didn’t feel different, or think that I did different. I knew it was God working. Cannot do anything else except to thank Him :)

Then during D day.. Had my make up on.. It was bright and bold and super quadruple thick..

Cheeks super pink, lips even pink-er, different shads of pink for eyeshadow, silver for highlights on browbone, gold below the eye, layers of foundation, 3 layers of lashes, teased and hairsprayed hair.. (I hate hairspray), and of course the iconic orange glasses :) And ci Manda cut my fringe.

Earlier, while I was having my quiet time, God said something like this, “they will not see your best. They will see My best.” Whoa :) And then, I mentioned to Him about my concern, that the Panci on D-1 was the best so far.. What if I did worse? Then He comforted me, saying that He is able to make my Panci today even better then the day before, which was already the best so far. I remembered a part of Judah Smith’s sermon, when he said God spoke to him, something like this: “Do your best today (or “Give your best today”), and I will better your best tomorrow.” AMEN!

The whole day slack. When we rehearsed, there was a problem. I have to pass my mic to Ko Raimond, which will be at the other edge of the stage, and during rehearsals, we found out that the time wasn’t enough. So, all the sesepuh made a final decision of what I had to do. Not telling what, but it requires a fast movement, taking off the mic while I ran to him at the same time, and it has to be fast. Practiced a few times, a few hours before 7.30.

Around 5 pm, it came to me that in 2 hours we are performing.. Got more and more nervous by the minute.. Prayed, warmed up, prayed again, together and individually.. I was like having a quiet OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG… I was most afraid of that note.. Practiced with Shilton earlier.. But still.. Right before performing, prayed with Ce Shella again..

(to be continued..)

wouldn't it be cool..

Soo we just had the awesomest prayer meeting at macpherson. I literally feel recharged. I asked God to take my anxiety of school and apprenticeship away and He actually did! :) Bottomline, I’m feeling good :) Have homework and a pic to finish but here I am, pouring my thoughts out.

Lots of things happened during the prayer meeting. But I want to write about one in particular. Me and Ghon prayed together just now. I remembered how unclose we were when we first met. 2 person with 2 personalities that can’t seem to fit. Two rocky years later, she moved here to Singapore. And I don’t know how, wasn’t expecting it, but things slowly changed. This is God interfering, it’s obvious to me. I’m not overreacting, you need to be one of us to understand what it was like. Really.

And suddenly a thought came into my mind. Just only. How cool would it be if I can pray like that one day with my future boyfriend. The boyfriend version of the Kim-Ghon 28 September 11 prayer.

Thanking God that He put him in my life. Thanking God He let us experience what we experienced, the good and the bad. Thanking God how He was with us throughout the relationship. Thanking God how He made us grow together. Surrendering the relationship to God. Surrendering each other to God. etc etc… Wouldn’t it be cool?? :D:D:D

I think some of you might think this is extreme.. It’s understandable and it’s okay :)

So, I think my future soulmate (ciyehh) would be someone who does not think this is extreme, and maybe even wanting the same thing too!! :D

Well ok need to do hw.. byee!!

and HAPPY 20th BDAY TO TITI!! and HAPPY B DAY KO PHILIP too!!! :D

juggling.

I dont think I’ve ever been this busy in my life.

1. Musical is happening in a week, and we’re practicing like mad. One practice would take like, 4 hours at least. Times 4 times a week, equals to at LEAST 16 hours.


2. Which takes at least 16 hours / week away from my time of doing homework for my exercise 2 submission, which is happening next week. I’ve done bits and pieces. I basically have something to submit (except for Terrence’s). But I know there are (a lot of) rooms for improvement, which I don’t think I have the time to do.


3. The apprenticeship program with :phunk. Which requires me to submit an artwork by next friday, where the musical rehearsals are happening. Havent finished the artwork too. But I have confirmed my artist so a MASSIVE thank God for that! :D

If I were in my state 2 weeks ago, I might just go mad.

Joining the apprenticeship with :phunk has opened my eyes. There’s more out there besides school and scores. Not that it’s not important, it’s just not everything. So people (including me), don’t stress your life over school. The artist I’ve confirmed with for the apprenticeship is amazing. She made me like my art back. I really like her :)

I learnt this life actually has no steady guarantee. When I was waiting for my artist to reply, there’s no guarantee he/she will agree. There’s even no guarantee they will reply. This is so different from school where you submit works and get marks. Everything is set and scheduled. Or working 9-5, and getting your payment every end of month. This is not like that. Really, you can plan, but there’s no guarantee it will work.

The me two weeks ago couldn’t deal with this. This was new and I honestly was taken by surprise, and I was scared, which leads me to the closest state of being stressful in my life I’ve ever been. I am still adjusting. The only thing I could and can hold onto was God’s promises. It is the steadiest guarantee of all I can get. It’s just not easy sometimes, when you don’t see it come to pass yet.

It was as if it has come the time for all God’s promises that I know, for them to show they are real and powerful, not just some words from the bible, but the promises of a living God. It was as if I was tested, do I really trust all this promises? Do I even remember them? My, this is not easy. I obviously need the Holy Spirit. If I’m handling this with my own might and strength.. *I dont even want to finish the sentence. I dont even want to imagine.

And why am I even blogging now? I still have work to do. I have no explanation.

When you see me survive this next week, you are seeing the product of God’s grace.

By this time next week, EVERYTHING will be over. All three points I stated above, almost at the same time. However, I will miss all this time sucking musical practices.. I know I will.. Next week, come.. Next week, don’t come..

Well, TLG MUSICAL FOR GOD!! :D come watch!

God is good and God bless! :)

FA

Today’s FA was amazing!

Mikey bought his cajon, and Ria came out of her shell, agreeing to keyboard along the worship time. It was amazing!! Was so cool :) I’m not saying it was amazing because of all the instruments, but I felt God’s presence was so sweet just now :D Thank God for all the instruments, but most of all, Thank God for His presence :)

The message Ghon shared was powerful too. If I have more time I’ll probably share. It wasn’t what we are supposed to share according to ko Hendra’s email, but I’m glad our FA is flexible enough to use or not to use what was sent. I believe we all shared according to what the Holy Spirit put in our hearts. And following God’s flow never results bad :)

Was fun, we laughed, shared, welcomed first timers, I enjoyed it :) God has put these amazing special individuals in this FA (and in yours too), I pray that we all can see and love them as how God sees and loves them. How He uses the most unexpected ways to lift me up during my ‘darkest’ hours using people from this family, and ultimately my mom, it’s just amazing! Beyond words to express.

I’m just bloatfully grateful Daddy put me here :)

what to post?

I have no idea too! salute to all those who can post regularly.

From this point on, I declare that this post will be full of randomness. I wont be talking about anything in particular. Here goes.

A simple update of my life if anyone is interested:

• Musical is happening in like what? 8 days? people reading, do buy the tics. You wont regret it man. Let me know!


• Having term break now.


• Am busy.

I miss my mom a lot, since my breakdown day. I realize mothers are different from friends. Thank God for friends. Thank God for moms.

And thank God for genders. Having a male good friend has its own advantages. Thank God for male and female best friends.

There was a point in my life where I thought being emo was cool. Well, not anymore. Sure you can have your emo moments, it’s human. But all the time without trying to get out of it? I used to enjoy staying in that dark state of mind. Now I realize during those days I was still so immature. The life God prepared is way better. I want to enjoy it to the max.

Sincerity is important.

Don’t compare yourselves to others. Easier said than done, but still, don’t. Implies to me too.

:D

:O

:X

I once read a tweet of a dear friend saying something about boys are basically the same. I am seeing that right now. But really I pray it’s not true.

I will never tell.

I can’t be all ears all the time. Only God can.

Women are hard to understand sometimes. Even for me.

There are times when your ego raises and you just want to defend yourself, yet you stop for a moment, look at the big picture, and try to understand the other party. I appreciate those moments. I appreciate people who actually does that.

Yadda yadda.

Well, good night people :) God bless!

things i've learnt lately

1. Crying helps. It’s just that sometimes you need a trigger. For me, it was my mom’s voice through the phone. It relieves stress. God didn’t create tears for nothing.


2. Art is supposed to be enjoyed. Growing up, you kind of lost it. Don’t lose it. Go back to basic, enjoy it. “Work on something you are interested in” -Ai Wei Wei (shows Terrence I did my homework.)  


3. Stay connected to God. Important.


4. Do not worry. 

I miss my mom bad. Lately I’ve often feel wanting to go back as a kid (but with knowing Christ). I’ve been feeling megabusy lately, doing everything nonstop. Lots of things happening, lots of pressure, and I can’t get it out, it was so tiring. All peaked on Sunday night. It was like, I’ve had enough, yet I don’t know what to do to actually have enough. It’s all still there, it’s not going away, I can’t do anything about it. Felt so frustrated. I’ve never felt this down since like, 2008 (breakup). It was pretty bad. Wanted to cry my heart out but only a few drops came out. Fell asleep of exhaustion.

Monday morning, woke up, and the thought of going to class was like.. Unacceptable. Facing the day was unacceptable. Felt like escaping life. BBMed my mom, she sensed something was wrong, called me. The first tone of her voice, man… My eyes started tearing. The more she talked, the more I cried to the point where I can’t catch my breath. Grabbed a random tee to wipe it off, the towel was too far away.

She knew I was stressed out. She knows just what to say. Asked me to take a break, and allowed me to skip class (hence me skipping class on Monday). In my whole entire life, never skipped class because of emotional matter. She reminded me about Jesus. She reminded me how I used to love art, and not stressing over it. NAFA somehow sucked it out of me in a way. After crying my heart out, I felt a world lot better.

The quiet time following was very uplifting. Skipped class, came to God. Cried some more, thanking Him of the people He’s put in my life.. My mom, and 3 specific friends who really2 had a huge impact during this stressful period. Read His Word, let Him speak to me.. Monday was RAD!! All the stress went away, a peaceful happy day :)

Recharged, back to the world now. I prrrrrayyyy I don’t have to ever ever experience that feeling again. It was terrible, noone should ever feel that way. Stay close to God, surround yourself with good friends. Nite!

What's up

So long since I last wrote anything. In the last 2 months, I’ve been through an internship. Lots of interesting experience, very kind boss, rad.

Been feeling busy. Although I’m not sure I am really busy or not. But feeling so.

Been feeling healthier too. My body HAS TO align with this thought. Started playing basketball again after like 7 years.. Quite self conscious. Didn’t want to do something stupid and embarrass myself. But in the end, came to a conclusion: as long as I enjoyed it and my body has some exercise, it’s cool.

Last few weeks has been a process. You probably won’t understand what the actual problem is and its ok. The Bible tells us to run away from temptation (instead of fighting it) and I’ve been doing just that, running away. In any possible way, keeping myself away. Must tell you it’s working. Seeing the fruits.

And what I’m experiencing.. This is a whole new level of trusting God. There are times when my mind tried to fix what had happened. Recreating the scene again and again, with their other possible outcomes. Maybe I shouldn’t have.. Maybe I should’ve acted differently. What happened? What did I do wrong? Why? And it all comes back to “God is in control.”

There are phrases and verses you’ve known so well. Or have heard of. Its just sometimes you need to remind yourself that you know that truth. And what I’m experiencing, is God making these verses ALIVE in my life. By the end of this, these verses won’t be just a sentence from the bible. It will be a truth. An experience. A reality!

Which verse? One of them: romans 8:28. “We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.” Any situations going out of my control, in Christ, it still works for my good. His GPS would lead things back to His good masterplan. He is still in control.

Could things have turned out differently? Could’ve. But trust God now. Could people have thought differently? Could’ve. Could I have felt differently? Maybe. But really you can’t change what has happened. You can try to make up for it, but you cant change it. Out of the options of things I can do now, I choose to just believe that my God’s plan is unaffected by human failure. The Bible says it works for good. So EVERYTHING has to align with what it says: working for good. For those who love God. For us. For me. For you.