giving.

A thought just crossed my head. A few hours ago. It’s still a fresh young thought (and questions) about giving. I realized, if I traced my days, lately I have been experiencing experiences related to giving. Starting from Tuesday, to be more accurate.

An old uncle came to me. I think he has been walking around, blatantly asking money from people. He didn’t even make himself look sad or in need or anything. Very straight forward. Came to me and asked, “would you give me some money? For eating..”

For a second there I was astonished by him, how straight forward he was. So I took my wallet and gave him what I thought was an appropriate value for a meal. He took it, his eyes widened, looked me in the eye, and asked, “this much?”

My. That question broke my heart. I just looked him back in the eye and said, “yes.” He thanked me a few times, said God bless you, and left.

I can buy myself a dinner with that amount of money. For me it was a standard dinner. And PTL I know I can still afford a more expensive one. I don’t know what it meant for him. Guarantee that he will have something to eat the next day? That “this much?” question shows that it means a lot to him. Way more than what it could mean to me that time.

THEN, I still got time to think.. That money is what aunty gave me for dinner.. Now I have to use my OWN money to buy dinner.. Then the next second I was like what are you thinking Kim =.= I can’t believe my flesh, how could I have that kind of thought? After what just happened?

PTL The Holy Spirit reminded me straight away. That money was NOT mine. It is His. And I am blessed to be a blessing. It’s not that the amount was “little”. It was the fact that it wasn’t even mine to begin with. None is! I have noooo right to think that way. Yet PTL I didn’t continue with condemning myself. 

But then, this leads me to thinking of another type of giving. The one I’m experiencing now is in giving a friendship. I think giving money and not receiving anything in return from the person you give is pretty normal, if you have the heart to. But giving your time and trust in someone.. I dont think it’s as easy.

eg:

• The one you trust might not trust you as much. 


• The friend you like might not like you as much. 


• The one you find important might not find you important as much. 


• She’s your number one, you might not be hers. 


• You tell him all your stories, he might not tell his back, tho he was a good listener. 


• You would wake up in the middle of the night for him, he might not. She might be your number one, you might be her number two. Not bad, but not equal, as expected.


• the list goes on..

I think it’s normal for a human being to have a certain expectation in a friendship, or a relationship even. But we must remember remember remember that that person is bound to fail us. It’s just a matter of time. They are homo sapiens. Humans.

Is it possible to give, and never expect anything in return AT ALL? Well, Jesus died for us, knowing that not all of us would want to take benefit from it. I mean, if I die for a person, that person better not waste my death and make full use of it.

I think life would much easier if we can do that. I havent really think this through but I know I have been disappointed when people dont value me as how I valued them. And i know I have disappoint ppl too for not raising up to their expectation.

So, I think I am learning right now. I can give because I’ve been given everything by the Lord in His Son. In fact, I shall give merely because of that reason. I can serve because I’ve been served. I can care because I’ve been cared about. I think, if I can sincerely give a friendship, caring for them, being there for them, taking their tantrum when they are not at their best, understanding through their emo times, accepting them at their worst.. I think my life would be easier. Well I think it’s what we all should do since it’s what Jesus has done to us. We must REALIZE and have that revelation that it’s what Jesus has done to us!

I don’t know about you but I sure know I am a recipient of that grace. I have screamed to God, I have been crying to Him, I’ve told Him that I have no mood of reading the Bible, I have asked Him to wait when I know He wants to talk.. But never once have I been disappointed by Him. Life disappoints, He never does. He is always there, with His love and mercy. If I were God, our friendship would’ve probably ended a long time ago. Or maybe still be on talking terms, but I’ll surely keep that distance since I dont want to be hurt anymore.

But I thank God He is GOD!! All loving, always forgiving. Everytime I came back to Him, He was all about acceptance.. “..For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” - Heb 8:12. And He still gave his ALL, never making a distance.

So yeah, this giving selflessly.. I don’t know if it’s going to be easy, or if this is even possible, but it sure has become one of my aims in life.

So this is my fresh brewed thought of this topic. I think I’ll learn some more. Soo TTYL :)