Calendar:
- Monday, 12: Went to doctor to check on my eyes
- Tuesday, 13: CCIS Practice
- Wednesday, 14: Make up test with Ci El
- Thursday, 15: CCIS Practice
- Friday, 16: model for Ci El’s make up exam, FA at night
- Saturday, 17: model for Ci El’s portfolio, and there’s TLG CCIS performance at MBS (ard 6 is it? forgotten) and Mandarin Orchard (9pm) later at night! I won’t be in it but you can check it out :)
- Sunday, 18: Caroling Practice
- Sunday, 18 - Thursday, 22: Off to Genting and KL
- Thursday, 22 night: Caroling Practice
- Friday, 23: FA
- Saturday, 24: Caroling, Celebrate XMas w FA
- Sunday, 25: XMAS!!
.
I was under a lot of pressure lately. Since musical, anything related with school and design has been non stop. We have Musical, Phunk’s 100 friends, and Exercise 2 happening at the same time. Then we have assessment. Then we have ISP. Then, after ISP, I still have Transmission, which will be until march next year. Thinking that I’ll be under that pressure until next year is horror. And frankly I gave myself no break. After ISP, I immediately started working on Transmission.
It didn’t get to any dramatic point, I was just tired. And the one God used this time to talk sense to me was (unexpectedly) Ko Andri.
- I don’t know if he’s okay with his face exposed here, so he’s somewhere in this pic. Good luck finding him.
On Tuesday, 13, I woke up somehow really tired and eneg of design, and I decided that morning that I won’t do anything design for a moment. It’s almost like I’m pissed. I don’t care anymore, I WILL REST.
Later at night, we just finished practicing at Macpherson. Everyone took bus home, except me and Ko Andri. So we talked talked talked, and he asked, “how are you lately? School? Everything alright?”
I would usually answer this kind of question with a simple “yes”. Firstly, it’s usually just a basa basi. Second, everything really is going fine. And if it isn’t, I was hoping that the “yes” will come true. But I don’t know what pushed me to not say “yes” that day and be brutally honest. I forgot my answer, but it ended up with me curcol-ing to him about how tired I was and everything. Which was funny cos I never talk about this kind of stuff with him.
So I blabbered non stop. (Thanks for listening ko!) He said I needed to rest and take a break. I realized I’ve been charging non stop since musical through this chat with him. And his suggestion to relax somehow totally made sense. I still have time until the deadline of Transmission, I totally have the time to take a break. Why didn’t I? I don’t know.
He told me to clean my room. Which makes perfect sense too. Everytime I walk into my room, it just reminds me of the pressure I have, therefore making me feel pressured again. My room used to be my perfect hideout. I don’t know when that changed. When I got home that night, I cleared my room and made everything that contributes to my pressure out of sight. Bye.
So, this space is dedicated to thank Ko Andri for listening and talking sense to me :) Shalom (y).
So, since Tuesday, I’ve been relaxing. Not thinking of anything, just enjoying my holiday. Watching Running Man, ANTM cycle 17, 90210, doing my quiet time, just relaxed.
The stressful thoughts would try to attack sometimes. But the thing that I always use to counter it was verses from the Bible. Things like, God will make everything work for good, God has His plans, God knows what’s gonna happen already, and the trust that He will be the one giving me the mood to draw again. (I used this method for last sem’s ISP. It’s just for Transmission, the stakes are higher, and my faith in Him wavered. So now, learning to trust Him again)
.
On Monday, I finally checked my eyes to the doctor. On 22nd of November, I woke up with my eyes red.
It got better after I put some eyedrops, but when I stopped putting, it became worse. Especially on the right eye. It would be so red, it’s scary. And I don’t know if you can imagine this, but the surface of my eyeballs becomes cloth like. When I peek to the right, the surface near the edges would crease due to the pressure, just like when you push a fabric to the center.
Something like this.
just a little smaller, white color, covered in red veins on the eyeball. Creepy.
I never thought pf checking myself to the doctor. The idea never crossed my mind. Thought of keep using optrex. Glenn and Alben were the first ones to suggest the idea. Still contemplating at that moment. Later at night, I searched google for the symptoms of my eye condition, and it seems to match with the symptoms of bacterial conjunctivitis.
It was itching like mad, had lots of belek when I wake up each morning, and each time I rub it, immediately it becomes swollen and red in the count of seconds. Bleah.
On Sunday, I went to church. The pastor was talking about healing, about trusting God’s faith instead of our faith. That moment, I felt something happen to my eye. But I wasn’t really sure wether something really happened, or I was just caught with the mood. But the whole day my eye was clear, It didn’t become red nor swollen at all.
However, I still checked myself to the doctor the next day, and the doctor said it was just my eyes being sensitive, no harm. Woah PTL man. I was very sure it was the conjunctivitis thing.
The medication the doctor gave caused drowsiness. Therefore, last night I slept at 11. Canyoubelieveme. 11. (when I usually sleep at at least 2 am) And woke up at (areyouready) 2.30 pm. I slept 15.5 hours. It covers the amount of sleep you need in 2 days. That’s crazy. So to do my sleeping time justice, I plan to sleep very little today.
However, I dreamt of Gwang Soo last night and I felt sooooo happy ^^. We were on the beach, and we were friends. Aaaaaa~ <3 *float*
Okay, checking off now!! Buybuy!
Post a Comment