New Year Thank Yous - Christine

We first met during FA at Ce Becky's Place in the beginning of 2011.


There's this girl who is very quiet, coming together with Mardian. Curly hair, glasses, and silence. We were introduced to each other, and her name is Christine.
Turns out she kept appearing during FA, and we became FA mates, from the days of FA Anda to FA Sekia now :)  

FA ANDA days.

I used to see her as the Novena Trio: Christine, Mardian, and Jansen. But mostly Mardian, for wherever he is, you'll most probably find her. They come in a set.

She is so quiet, only speaks when needed. And when she says something, it's what we Indonesians call "Singkat, padat, dan berisi." On point, means what it means. But somehow with Mardian, she talks a lot! I used to be curious with how with Mardian, she opens up. And I am one who has no confidence in my communicating skills, so I thought I had no hope with this girl.

Remember this? Teehee

However, I really liked her. Not like THAT, before all of you starts misinterpreting. I like how she doesn't try to impress people, she is just being herself all the time! During dinner together, if she feels sleepy, she would just sit there with her Ipod nano and sleep. We would talk talk talk and realize she isn't making any sound, and found out she would just be sitting there with her eyes closed, and sometimes really being asleep. So amusing!

I'm not going to drag on about how I was in the past (you can read it briefly here and here), but I was really insecure and my life was all about trying to impress people just to make me feel good. So for me with a background like that, watching someone completely oblivious of what people think of her is... Dazzling. I've always admired her for that.

SEKIA 1st FA!

One day, I was talking to Mardian, and he told me that Christine said she enjoyed talking to me. I can't begin to explain how pleasant that was to my ears. I mean, I would already be VERY happy if ANYONE said they enjoyed talking to me (no confidence in communicating skills, remember?), and on top of that, this comes from the girl who was always so quiet, whom I thought I had no hope of becoming close friends with. I was SO grateful to The Lord!

I think when you know someone is comfortable with you, you kind of open up more to them, you yourself become more comfortable around them. Since the day Mardian said that, I started to feel closer to her. I am more myself around her, because I know her judgement of me wasn't bad.

Since then, I feel we grew closer and closer. We learnt about "Grace" around the same time, so I feel I have a Grace-buddy: someone who will be on the same page with me when I talk about Grace, and not view me an extreme queer. 

Israel Houghton concert!

And because she studies design as well, anything design I would go to her (and Ce Joan and now, Matthew). It's a very good feeling knowing someone has the same interest as you :) She was God-sent! Yes, Ce Joan is a designer but she's a working designer. So having a fellow student designer around is very encouraging when you need it. (That's how I feel about Matthew too, who comes around about a year later, if you're reading :)) And she's kind of our church photographer. 9 out of 10 she'll take photos during church events. And she records videos for TLG news as well :D

She is always on time (the opposite of that being me), and I used to ask morning calls from her. And she always walks with a straight back and good posture!! Something the hunched back me wasn't able to do yet.

The DSLR Quality of her camera.

She's one who can put up and understand my weirdness. Her calmness counteracts my oddity. Cool headed, just so serene. Having her around just makes me happy and comfortable. She's one of the few people where I can feel comfortable and not awkward with when going out just the two of us. 

And when she opens up and tells me stories of her family, her daily life, her school work, her feelings.. It's something that I really love and enjoy. I really love those moments!! Everytime anyone does that, I am just so thankful to God that someone would trust and feel comfortable enough around me to tell all these "normal" things. Oh, these stuff where some people feel are very common, I don't take for granted at all. For someone who's had insecurity problems, I value these simple conversations so much.

A God-given precious sister. And no, turns out she's not that quiet at all. Once you clicked about a topic, she can blaaaaaabber. And we both like reading mangas!!! Not a lot of girls I know reads manga. We both love Hillsong, we like shopping (well most girls do), and most of all, we both are in Christ!! Loved by Jesus and knows it.

Latest photo as per now :)

I'm so thankful she's in my FA, in my life. God knows I need someone like her around :)

So, CP! See you around!! :D


***

2011 New Year Thank Yous:
Mardian
Glenn

Other friend stories:
Ghon
Sally
Chilwin

Day 18 - Your beliefs. (part 1)

First things first: I am a Christian, if that isn't obvious enough for some of you who knows me.

Being a Christian means I believe that Jesus is God :)
I think in this post, I'll just talk about the chronological journey of the person of Jesus I know.
You can read a more comprehensive post about this here.


1. One of the gods.

My first impression of Jesus is that He is just one of a few gods that rule in this world. As a kid, I grew up in an environment where the people around me worship different gods.

In elementary school, I had a Catholic religion class. It gave me a shock when my teacher told me that there is only one God. And He's a triune God. Which makes it very confusing. But that changed my mindset on how many God we are supposed to worship, which in my case was one.


2. The Textbook Jesus.

So I know more about this Jesus guy when I moved to Petra, a Christian elementary school. They talk more of Him during religion classes. I came to know legalistic stuff like the 10 commandments, the apostles, the kings in the Old Testament, the famous characters a Christian is supposed to know.


3. The First Encounter.

That night when I was on my 5th or 6th grade (which makes me around 10 or 11), and my dad just scolded me. And he beat me up when he gets angry so it was pretty bad. Back then, whenever my dad scolded me, I would always remember by birth mom who was already dead. It always made me feel worse (like duh). I remember that night I was crying myself to bed, feeling so lonely and sad and full of self pity.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I remembered this textbook Jesus. The textbooks said that He loves me, and that He's a father. That night, what has always been words on a textbook became so real. Words couldn't explain, but I know that He really does love me. He suddenly became so real! I felt loved by God, and that made me cry even more. I never forgot that night, how for the first time in my life, God became God. That night, I knew that eventhough my earthly father hates me (which he obviously doesn't, but my young mind didn't understand that at that point), I have another Father which doesn't.

That night, my life changed. God is real.


4. The Distance.

So I know Jesus is alive. But I didn't know that we can have a relationship. I didn't read my Bible, I didn't go to church, I have no community. Slowly, the closeness I felt with Jesus during "The First Encounter" faded away, and I came back to the place of insecurity and negativity.

I was a negative person to begin with. Like, my mind tends to think negatively when viewing a situation. With puberty and entering the supposedly "the best time of your life" teenage years, where popularity matters and boyfriends suddenly became important, insecurity rises. And having a stepmom being so perfectly beautiful and loved and popular didn't make things any easier for the teenage me.

I battled all this without God. I know He is always behind the scenes, it's just that I never run to Him. So I always felt that I was battling this alone.


5. The Second Encounter.

During secondary 1 (I was 12), I have a classmate named Gisella. She's Gisel Idol, if you know her. Now she's a rising celebrity in Indonesia :) She goes to this church: Gereja Mawar Sharon. One day, they were having this mini crusade and she invited me, so I came.

That was my first time knowing the charismatic environment. The whole room was speaking in tongues! I've never heard anyone speak in tongues before, that was my first time hearing the "tongue" language. But somehow I know that those alien vocabs were them speaking in tongues. Must be the Holy Spirit telling me, now that I think of it.

There, I remembered the Jesus I encountered two years back. And I want Him again! I want to feel His love again! It's like a fire has been lit again inside me! So I started coming to church with Gisella every week. Sunday school.

But it only lasted 2 or 3 weeks. First, because the kids were unfriendly, didn't really made friends with anyone. Second, Gisella suddenly got angry with me without any reason that I know of. She stopped talking to me, and that will make it very awkward if I attend sunday school where I know nobody but her. So, I stopped coming, and "The Distance" phase slowly happened all over again.



Tired so this will continue into Part 2!!

Good night people!

Do you know this feeling?

When you started becoming friends with someone through digital messages online, always talking to them through digital messages online, that you don't know how to actually talk to them when you meet them face to face?

Yeah.

UK Haul [Video], Part 1

So I shopped a lot while I was in The UK. I wanted to blog a post about all the stuff I bought, but the thought of having to take pictures of all of them, and typing to explain each of them.. I cowardly backed off..

.. and thought I might just do a video of it! :D Since talking is less time consuming than typing..

It takes a lot of courage, it's like putting your self out there.. And it's awkward sitting alone in your room, talking to a camera.. And having your aunt and cousin walking around while I was filming myself in the balcony.. (you'll get it once you watch the vid)

I tried to make it as short and snappy as possible, but still ended up with a 10 minute video. And this is part 1 out of like, 4 or 5..

I hope you don't get bored, and are able to hear what I'm saying.. Cos I feel I kinda mumble a little when I speak.. Maybe my two front teeth are too big..

Anyway, here it is! Enjoy!!

It's kinda small here, so here's a link if you want to watch it at a more comfortable Youtube default size.

Anyway, thanks for dropping by! Have a good day!

A new favorite song.

YOUR PRESENCE IS HEAVEN - Israel Houghton

Watch the lyrics.. It's b e a u t i f u l.

Who is like You Lord in all the earth?
Matchless love and beauty, endless worth
Nothing in this world can satisfy
'Cause Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry

Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me

Treasure of my heart and of my soul
In my weakness you are merciful
Redeemer of my past and present wrongs
Holder of my future days to come

Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me
Heaven to me, God

Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus
Your presence is heaven to me
Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus
Your presence is heaven to me

All my days on earth I will await
The moment that I see You face to face
Nothing in this world can satisfy
'Cause Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry
'Cause Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry
You never run dry

Your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me
Lord your presence is heaven to me
Your presence is heaven to me

Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus
Your presence is heaven to me
Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus
Your presence is heaven to me

***

I'm in my holiday period now. Taking my time off after a hectic semester..

TLG Christmas is coming up and I'm happy to serve as the committee: Decor and design! I'm not trying to sound religious here. I really do enjoy the part I'm doing and the people I work with are fantastic. It's just such a delight!

Ce Joan's wedding is coming up as well, and I'm helping her with the decor again. I guess this is what it feels to enjoy your work: it doesn't feel like working. It's really like spending my time doing my hobby. I really want to work this way man.

And my family is still here.. So I better get all of this done and over with and spend more time with them.

I still have my dissertation to work on as well. But it will have to wait. I don't want to do anything associated with school now. Like how Jihyo and Gary had a brief break, so will schoolwork and I.

Night!

Day 17 - Your highs and lows this past year

HELLO HUMAN RACE!!

I'm baaaack and freeee!!!!

It's been a crazy week working for my assessment, being sleep deprived and all, but it's all over now! Just waiting for the results, trusting God..

So I thought I'll continue the 30 days challenge!

I don't know what the question means, whether it's about me feeling high and low, or the actual situation around me. But i'll just get on with it anyway.

1. TRANSMISSION: Kaleidoscope
I would say this is a high and low. It's a high because I got to experience a lot of new stuff, got my work exhibited, got to know a lot of new people in the industry.. But at the same time, experiencing all that maybe too overwhelming for me.. It's like I've been in my school walls all along, not knowing what is out there. And once I found out how much bigger it actually is, honestly my confidence is crushed, which makes it a low. But it's not all bad, for I learn of humility and putting my trust and confidence in The Lord instead of myself!

2. Going to the UK
A definite high. One of my best experiences in life so far.


Honestly I can't think of anything else. I guess those two was the highlight of this year. I mean, I did turn 21, I graduated and got my diploma.. But they just don't stand out in my mind, it leaves no deep impression..

I can't think of anything bad as well.. And I'm grateful for that. I'd rather my mind not be filled with things I'd better off not remembering. I know it's human tendency to remember all the negative stuff rather than the positive, so me being unable to remember much of any negatives is a good thing. It's a God thing.

So praise The Lord and see you around!! :D

Towards Freedom.

I haven't been posting for quite some time now. Reason being I am super busy!!

Assessment is just around the corner. And just before we head back to Singapore, my lecturer in UK asked me to change my direction of the project. So I kinda have to redo my whole thing. Within less than a week.

I am free to not do it though, it was just a suggestion. But it's sad that I also didn't like my work at that point. So that day I canceled my planned trip to Birmingham that day, and sat at the library deciding what I would do.

So yeah. Since I got back to Singapore, I've been working non stop. First day (Wednesday), woke up at 1. I wouldn't call it a jetlag, cos it's normal for me to wake up at that time. Did my quote morning unquote routine, and had my quiet time. Within a few days, I must finish something worth of a few weeks work. I mean, I need a miracle.

At times like these, I naturally draw closer to God. I kept getting verses like Jeremiah 17:7-8,

7
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,

    whose confidence is in him.

8 

They will be like a tree planted by the water

    that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

    its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

    and never fails to bear fruit.”

I know I need to sit on my table and start doing work, but in all that, my trust is in The Lord. I won't put my confidence in myself, or my skills and experience, but in the Lord. Asking Him for wisdom and strength, that whatever I do, whatever idea that comes to mind, is all from Him and He's in control. 

I remind myself of that everyday before doing my work.

So after my quiet time, I would either take a shower do get going with my work immediately, and bathe somewhere near evening. 

Lunch and dinner was my only break, and I would watch Running Man while eating.

I get easily distracted while working. I can't just do work. Although it's interesting, it's boring at the same time, if I make any sense. So I have a small space on my screen for youtube videos to play. Usually Clothes Encounters. I've watched all her videos, and rewatching them all over again. That's how much I like Jenn Im.

On Wednesday, I slept at 5 and woke up at 10, which was quite early. I planned to wake up at 8 but that was a fail. Still, only 5 hours of sleep. Second day goes the same: morning routine, quite time, work. Slept at 6 am with my eyes hurting. Stared at the screen for over 10 hours, maybe more.

I planned to wake up at 9 on Friday, and had this crazy nightmare where I woke up at 7 pm. I cried in my dream, and thanked God with all my might when I woke up. That was a bad bad dream, in this situation where time is really precious.

So in the end I woke up at 11, which makes it another 5 hours. BUT, slept again from 3 to 5. Couldn't help it man, was so sleepy. The fact that I can wake up early already is a celebratory event. PTL!

So, Thursday slept at 6 again. With a hurting eyes again. Friday woke up at 12. Again with the routine, and slept at 8.30 am the next morning. I frikkin watched the sun rise, which I HATE. I like sleeping when it's dark. I tried to sleep at 6 am as usual, but my eyes was hurting so bad I needed to put an ice pack on it, and the coldness of the ice pack prevented me from sleeping. So yeah, slept in broad daylight and woke up at 12+ today. Routine as usual, and now about to go to bed. Miraculously my eyes isn't hurting now. That's some good news, I've been staring at the screen for like, 15 hours?

Tomorrow will go to school and print and set up all that needs to be set up. Finally I can sleep tomorrow.

K BYE!!