When a guy is interested in a girl, and she’s online, most of the time he’s online as well. when she goes off, most likely than not he’ll go off. It’s easy to track, proven right by my experience. yeah yeah yeah!
Not about KL
This day is that day where all moods are gone. It has completely nothing to do with the trip, it was awesome, it’s just hormones. If you understand what I mean.
I havent even blogged about my Shanghai trip. So I wonder when will I blog about this KL trip.
But, in a nutshell, Malaysia is a lot like Indonesia. The cities, the hygiene. Genting was fun, but the place kinda felt unmaintained. It felt old. If only they would take more care of their attractions. And it was COLD. I checked the weather on a website and it frikkin said 29 degrees celsius. L I A R. Hotel, although the room was humble, yet it was clean!! I appreciate that a lot. KL has lots of good food. Sunway was fun, also felt old, and some attractions smell. I liked the animal section a lot. Was like a zoo. God’s creations really are beautiful. Really! I was fascinated.
There were 2 attraction rides that I will probably will not forget in a very2 long time. Both require hanging upside down for a few seconds that felt multiple times longer. Both require you to be vulnerable, helpless, powerless, having your faith only on your safety equipment you are wearing. (Both with Mikey beside hanging upside down beside me.)
And amazingly Jesus could still teach me something out of it, that believing in Him is just like that.
You must understand how it felt. We really felt helpless. If anything goes wrong with the safety equipments, we’d be freefalling 10 meters smack to the ground. The trust you have is only, ONLY, with that thing over your head holding your shoulders. In my life I’ve never felt that helpless. There’s completely nothing I can do to save myself.
That is exactly it with trusting Jesus. First with my salvation, and next, with everything else. There is NOTHING we can do in ourselves to go to heaven. It’s all Jesus. It’s not what you’ve done, it’s what He’s done. Your noble deeds can’t save you, nothing of yourself can’t save you. Only the perfect sacrifice of Jesus can. I’ve known this for over a year now (the ONLY part), yet the attraction ride makes it that much more vivid, the reality of how helpless I am.
And next, with everything else. Times and times again I’ve been overwhelmed by life. Peer problems, relationships, family, loss, school, work, misunderstood, body issues, expectations, comparisons, confidence.. I know I am in no place to complain. Each of us has our own struggles. Some more I have the thinker side of me (as opposed to my adventurous side, proven by the experience of hanging upside down for some moment twice in a single trip.) I feel, I think, I analyze, especially when I am not in my best mood. I’m telling you I could drown in my emoness. Which I have just experienced today. Till I talked to a few precious friends who may not know themselves but has lifted my mood up :) thank yous.
This is one of the rides I took.
I had the shoulder thing securely fastened. But the higher it got, I know the wilder my hands tried to find something to grip. Which was completely ridiculous cos no matter what I hold on to or not hold on to, the only thing that matters is the shoulder safety thing. None of my works would’ve helped. At all. I might as well just relax and I still wont fall off. So, wether I panic or not, I won’t fall off. Might as well not panic and not fall off rather than panic and not fall off.
The lesson with Jesus. No matter if I panic and worry or not, things will work together for my good. So might as well not worry and trust Jesus my safety shoulder thing, and enjoy the thrill. Cos in the end everything will be alright. I’m not promoting laziness here. It is working, living life knowing that you will be alright in the end, rather than working and living life striving for alrightness. And I would say this, including to myself, since I am also a recipient here, “enjoy the thrill”. Not the monotonous boring ride. The thrill. When there are risks and you have no idea what will happen and it gets your adrenalin pumping and faith going and excitement rising.
I’ll practice what I just shared before in my own life. How to see through all this, the good finished work of my Daddy Jesus. I am as much a reader as you are.
Now I’m about to sleep sooo.. Good nite! :) Hope you are blessed!
a note to someone: You might not even know I was upset with you months ago. But I was and it wasn’t an enjoyable feeling. However, that very day I got upset, I decided to forgive you. Yet I was still upset though you are completely forgiven. But now the upsetness is gone and you’re pure as snow though I still remember every bit of what happened. This message will change nothing cos you probably don’t know who you are. But just putting it here. peace out.
a quite long post.
Calendar:
- Monday, 12: Went to doctor to check on my eyes
- Tuesday, 13: CCIS Practice
- Wednesday, 14: Make up test with Ci El
- Thursday, 15: CCIS Practice
- Friday, 16: model for Ci El’s make up exam, FA at night
- Saturday, 17: model for Ci El’s portfolio, and there’s TLG CCIS performance at MBS (ard 6 is it? forgotten) and Mandarin Orchard (9pm) later at night! I won’t be in it but you can check it out :)
- Sunday, 18: Caroling Practice
- Sunday, 18 - Thursday, 22: Off to Genting and KL
- Thursday, 22 night: Caroling Practice
- Friday, 23: FA
- Saturday, 24: Caroling, Celebrate XMas w FA
- Sunday, 25: XMAS!!
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I was under a lot of pressure lately. Since musical, anything related with school and design has been non stop. We have Musical, Phunk’s 100 friends, and Exercise 2 happening at the same time. Then we have assessment. Then we have ISP. Then, after ISP, I still have Transmission, which will be until march next year. Thinking that I’ll be under that pressure until next year is horror. And frankly I gave myself no break. After ISP, I immediately started working on Transmission.
It didn’t get to any dramatic point, I was just tired. And the one God used this time to talk sense to me was (unexpectedly) Ko Andri.
- I don’t know if he’s okay with his face exposed here, so he’s somewhere in this pic. Good luck finding him.
On Tuesday, 13, I woke up somehow really tired and eneg of design, and I decided that morning that I won’t do anything design for a moment. It’s almost like I’m pissed. I don’t care anymore, I WILL REST.
Later at night, we just finished practicing at Macpherson. Everyone took bus home, except me and Ko Andri. So we talked talked talked, and he asked, “how are you lately? School? Everything alright?”
I would usually answer this kind of question with a simple “yes”. Firstly, it’s usually just a basa basi. Second, everything really is going fine. And if it isn’t, I was hoping that the “yes” will come true. But I don’t know what pushed me to not say “yes” that day and be brutally honest. I forgot my answer, but it ended up with me curcol-ing to him about how tired I was and everything. Which was funny cos I never talk about this kind of stuff with him.
So I blabbered non stop. (Thanks for listening ko!) He said I needed to rest and take a break. I realized I’ve been charging non stop since musical through this chat with him. And his suggestion to relax somehow totally made sense. I still have time until the deadline of Transmission, I totally have the time to take a break. Why didn’t I? I don’t know.
He told me to clean my room. Which makes perfect sense too. Everytime I walk into my room, it just reminds me of the pressure I have, therefore making me feel pressured again. My room used to be my perfect hideout. I don’t know when that changed. When I got home that night, I cleared my room and made everything that contributes to my pressure out of sight. Bye.
So, this space is dedicated to thank Ko Andri for listening and talking sense to me :) Shalom (y).
So, since Tuesday, I’ve been relaxing. Not thinking of anything, just enjoying my holiday. Watching Running Man, ANTM cycle 17, 90210, doing my quiet time, just relaxed.
The stressful thoughts would try to attack sometimes. But the thing that I always use to counter it was verses from the Bible. Things like, God will make everything work for good, God has His plans, God knows what’s gonna happen already, and the trust that He will be the one giving me the mood to draw again. (I used this method for last sem’s ISP. It’s just for Transmission, the stakes are higher, and my faith in Him wavered. So now, learning to trust Him again)
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On Monday, I finally checked my eyes to the doctor. On 22nd of November, I woke up with my eyes red.
It got better after I put some eyedrops, but when I stopped putting, it became worse. Especially on the right eye. It would be so red, it’s scary. And I don’t know if you can imagine this, but the surface of my eyeballs becomes cloth like. When I peek to the right, the surface near the edges would crease due to the pressure, just like when you push a fabric to the center.
Something like this.
just a little smaller, white color, covered in red veins on the eyeball. Creepy.
I never thought pf checking myself to the doctor. The idea never crossed my mind. Thought of keep using optrex. Glenn and Alben were the first ones to suggest the idea. Still contemplating at that moment. Later at night, I searched google for the symptoms of my eye condition, and it seems to match with the symptoms of bacterial conjunctivitis.
It was itching like mad, had lots of belek when I wake up each morning, and each time I rub it, immediately it becomes swollen and red in the count of seconds. Bleah.
On Sunday, I went to church. The pastor was talking about healing, about trusting God’s faith instead of our faith. That moment, I felt something happen to my eye. But I wasn’t really sure wether something really happened, or I was just caught with the mood. But the whole day my eye was clear, It didn’t become red nor swollen at all.
However, I still checked myself to the doctor the next day, and the doctor said it was just my eyes being sensitive, no harm. Woah PTL man. I was very sure it was the conjunctivitis thing.
The medication the doctor gave caused drowsiness. Therefore, last night I slept at 11. Canyoubelieveme. 11. (when I usually sleep at at least 2 am) And woke up at (areyouready) 2.30 pm. I slept 15.5 hours. It covers the amount of sleep you need in 2 days. That’s crazy. So to do my sleeping time justice, I plan to sleep very little today.
However, I dreamt of Gwang Soo last night and I felt sooooo happy ^^. We were on the beach, and we were friends. Aaaaaa~ <3 *float*
Okay, checking off now!! Buybuy!
bullbo
*copied from Ci Bombie’s blog.
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7 Random things about me:
- I like Gwang Soo
- I like ANTM
- I like holidays
- I am trying to be neat
- I like yawning
- I wish to have a supermodel body
- I used to hope peter pan exists
Questions:
Name your favorite color: Yellow
Name your favorite songs: For the Xmas season : Have yourself a merry little xmas
Name your favorite dessert: All that exists
What is annoying to you? Myself sometimes
When you are upset you: Roll around in bed and pray. Sometimes I try to cry, but usually fails. If you can cry easily u should kinda be grateful. It is a good way of letting things out.
Your favorite pet: I would love to have a tiger or something. I think it’s cool if I can relate to animals while other ppl can’t. Like tarzan.
Your biggest fear: Whenever Jong Kook appears on Running Man.
My best feature: My smaile :D
My everyday attitude: “life is shrt, why so serious ?” <- Not mine, it’s Ci Bombie’s. I decided to keep it there since I think it’s good.
What is perfection: “Jesus.” <- Also Ci Bombie’s. But I agree.
Guilty pleasure: I dont feel guilty after experiencing any pleasures.
4.25 am
my sleeping schedule is so far messed up. in a few minutes my aunt will be awake and i am not even a bit sleepy. though my body is tired.
You just don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future. you can plan, others can plan, but you just never know what will happen.
This uncertainty of the future is really worrying. The only antidote is the promises of God. God provides me what I need. Be it ideas, money, food, good friends, partner, love..
A friend is leaving Singapore soon and I am really kinda sad. For sure things will change, when I am pretty happy with how things are now. I’ve been picturing times and times again in my mind how it will be. Yet again, you’ll never know what will happen. Based on experience, it always turns out to be okay, and I’ll deal with it better then I thought I would.
Things hasn’t been easy lately. What I’m learning now is trusting God’s provision. He has provided, and everything is working for good!!
By the way, I’ve been watching Running Man and I’m totally smitten by Gwang Soo!!
He is super timid, but I think that’s his charm. I like how he’s always whole hearted in the things he does, honest and polite. He’s not the most handsome, but there’s where God is fair. The guys I like are mostly never the good looking ones. Teehee!
To make me sleepy, I shall listen to a sermon to bed. Bye everyone!!
Heylo.
I have a lot of honest things to say.
But it doesn’t matter.
God knows best. He prepares the best.
Surveytime
Out of all the people you have kissed, give me the initials of the best kisser: -
So, what if you married the last person you kissed?: -
What was the last thing you hid?: snacks
Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?: yea.. but not that big i guess
If you could spend more time with someone you used to be very close with, who?: a lot of names to be mentioned..
When will your next kiss be?: on the cheeks will be when i meet my dad
Did you ever like someone you know you shouldn’t have?: probably
Who was the last guy you had a conversation with?: Mike
Do you plan on moving out within the next year?: nope.
Last person you told a secret to?: Ghon i think
What was the last thing to make you mad?: hmm not sure.. i’ve never been that mad for a long time..
What are you listening to at the moment?: motorbike sounds
Did you ever date the last person you kissed?: yep
What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?: Sleeping
Do you like to have long hair or short hair?: short. but trying it long now
If you were at reasonable age, would you prefer a baby boy or girl?: boy
What color shirt are you wearing?: white pink yellow with a cat in the middle
What are you doing tonight?: FA
Can you leave the house without makeup?: Yep
What do you want?: to get what i want
Who knows a dark secret or two about you?: hmm Ghon?
Do you like Batman?: Meh
When was the last time you saw someone attractive?: Yesterday
Do you have any plans for the weekend?: Church
What do you always take with you?: Bb and wallet
Is there someone you will never forget?: Yep.
What was the first thing you did when you woke up?: Pray
How are you right now?: Good
Do you currently have a hickey?: No
Are you gonna get high later?: No
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?: Nope
What are you tired of?: Waking up late
How late did you stay up last night?: 5 am
What will you be doing in 3 hours?: Watching movie
Have you ever been called heartless?: I guess so
Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?: Hahaha no
Is there something right now that has you worried?: Nope
How old were you when you got your first piercing?: 6/7
What did you do today in detail?: Woke up, prayed, peed, ate pandan bun, drinking milk while tumblring.
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